So the week off is taking it's toll. I haven't weighed in yet, but am going to Weight Watchers. Last week I had tempting chocolate just laying around from a "birds nest" I made for my family and never threw them out so guess who kept snacking on them all week? I forgot I was doing it until last night I found myself being drawn to them continuously... so I threw them out. Quite literally, I threw what was left in the trash. Even after they were gone I caught myself craving them, and yes I had enough will power to stay out of the trash can!! I've been eating what I know to be healthier foods but I haven't been keeping up with my points this week. Now it doesn't help that I went from a week plus with my husband every second of every day and friends here and there and this week, due to schedule difficulties and the dang rain, I haven't spent much time with anyone. Not yesterday Richard's phone got drenched and thus phone is now dead and we had to talk on the computer last night, but not all night. He didn't get home and out of the shower until about 9:30 pm which is about the time we try to be in bed by and we head to sleep around 10:30. Last night however due to our lack of conversation all day we stayed up until about 11:30, and I had to wake up at 6 this morning. Did that happen? NO! I woke up around 7 and only had 15 min to get ready this morning. But I got everything done. I'm just a lucky dog that I took my shower last night and I'm not all nasty today. I'm very discouraged. Mostly from my emotional state at the moment. I really miss Richard and I feel lost without being able to get ahold of him. It's quite frustrating. I wanted to cry so many times last night but resisted and now the feeling has transfered into my morning hours. It's making my day dull and somewhat tragic. It's like when I start PMS'n and I want to cry at everything. However, it is not at the point, I'm just genuinely upset which makes it worst! I can't justify it and get over it. I try to come up with a reason why I can't get over this and nothing. Normally I just tell myself I'm being irrational, take a minute to an hour to do my own thing to vent (sort of like I'm doing but mentally) and then I'm fine. GRRRRR!
Oh a less personal note, last night I took my time at the house to make cards. I made 12 in total and could've done more had I focused on the cards more rather than the TV. Noel was entertaining and came to love on me a couple of times. She's so cute! But I did find that as I was enthralled into the card making I didn't feel as much of the need to snack. When I got distracted watching TV and sitting back to take a rest or when I went to get a refill in beverage is when I started to want to snack... and I wanted to snack on everything. It's that lonely, empty feeling. Some reason I think food will fill that void. And I know it wont. I feel better for just a second because I'm busy with something but then after about 20 minutes and that bag of chips is gone, etc. I'm lonely again with this feeling of regret which only makes me want to snack and eat more. I truly believe I can make my card making and scrapbooking a good alternative! I really enjoyed all of the creations I made and can't wait to have an occasion to use them. The next batch of cards I make will be for my teachers I'm observing! Which I have scheduled for next week and I CAN'T forget it!
Back to my point, after venting some more, I don't think I did well last week. I did well meal wise but with those chocolates sitting around I probably over ate. Damn those chocolates!! And damn me for buying them. I thought I could control myself, but it goes from, "Oh one or two wont hurt." Then you keep telling yourself that and by the end of the day you've had about 10 which ADD UP FAST! And when you have two different kinds around that's like 20, can't you just want that other taste after the first. And yes that one or two wouldn't make a big deal, if it stopped at one or two. Like I previously said they are not gone but the damage is already done. And I've been neglecting tracking my points and even though I think I'm staying well within them, there's no telling until I actually track it! And it would completely help if I was doing the water thing. I did it for about a week now it's no more. If you don't recall I had said I would drink a water before I'm allowed a soda. Well that definately died over Spring Break. There are no excuses. I'm just dissapointed in myself. I worked hard for weeks to change my habits and start this weight loss and in a week I almost destroyed everything I worked for.
I'm getting back on the horse! No matter how many times it throws me off! I'm sort of determined (oxymoron!). I want to loose weight it's a true goal of mine, but at this current moment I don't want to put in the effort. I'm going to. I have to. I set a goal, and even though I don't want to all the time, I have it. It's the same with simple things I set and achieve. I wanted to run a pen out (silly I know) but when we got back from our honeymoon I had this pink pen that we bought there and I used that sucker completely up! Took a couple of months but I did it. And last year about this time I was upset that I hadn't been keeping up with this daily diary My mom gave me back in 2008. It has 5 years in it, and is actually pretty cool. I was upset because I went MONTHS without writing in it and had lost a lot of what I did for the wedding during that time. But about a month before the Wedding I started writing again. And once I set my mind that I wanted to write in it everyday for a year... damn it... that's exactly what I've been doing! It'll be a year (with no gaps in writing) towards the middle of April and I'm really excited. It's a matter of taking it, literally, one day at a time. I wrote in that journal every day and if I missed a weekend or a day, the next day or the next time I wrote I had to back track my days to get it all right and to reach my goal. It's the same with weight loss and I have to remember that. No matter how many times I flake out or mess up I have to go back and get it right! Profound huh?! Who knew I had the answer to my problem within another occasion of mine. Another annoying goal I had set is to grow out my hair. At one point (about 3 or so years ago) I cut it all off and highlighted it. I hated it. It made my face look so round and chubbier so I swore I'd let it grow out and I still haven't cut it. I've gotten it trimmed but ALWAYS said "keep the length" and now I have my hair the longest it's ever been and I love it! So I guess anything's possible. I think it might have to do with remembering your goal, the hair cut, and not giving into temptation, the need for something different (or a shorter do). Just some thoughts. And now that I've written a novel and actually feel pretty damn good. A lot better than when I started writing, and have worked out some issues I do feel a bit more hopefull! I hope this helps or that it makes sense. I tend to ramble when I get into the simple act of writing. Another hobby of mine :). Have a blessed day and thanks for checking in on me :) :) :) :)
Oh a less personal note, last night I took my time at the house to make cards. I made 12 in total and could've done more had I focused on the cards more rather than the TV. Noel was entertaining and came to love on me a couple of times. She's so cute! But I did find that as I was enthralled into the card making I didn't feel as much of the need to snack. When I got distracted watching TV and sitting back to take a rest or when I went to get a refill in beverage is when I started to want to snack... and I wanted to snack on everything. It's that lonely, empty feeling. Some reason I think food will fill that void. And I know it wont. I feel better for just a second because I'm busy with something but then after about 20 minutes and that bag of chips is gone, etc. I'm lonely again with this feeling of regret which only makes me want to snack and eat more. I truly believe I can make my card making and scrapbooking a good alternative! I really enjoyed all of the creations I made and can't wait to have an occasion to use them. The next batch of cards I make will be for my teachers I'm observing! Which I have scheduled for next week and I CAN'T forget it!
Back to my point, after venting some more, I don't think I did well last week. I did well meal wise but with those chocolates sitting around I probably over ate. Damn those chocolates!! And damn me for buying them. I thought I could control myself, but it goes from, "Oh one or two wont hurt." Then you keep telling yourself that and by the end of the day you've had about 10 which ADD UP FAST! And when you have two different kinds around that's like 20, can't you just want that other taste after the first. And yes that one or two wouldn't make a big deal, if it stopped at one or two. Like I previously said they are not gone but the damage is already done. And I've been neglecting tracking my points and even though I think I'm staying well within them, there's no telling until I actually track it! And it would completely help if I was doing the water thing. I did it for about a week now it's no more. If you don't recall I had said I would drink a water before I'm allowed a soda. Well that definately died over Spring Break. There are no excuses. I'm just dissapointed in myself. I worked hard for weeks to change my habits and start this weight loss and in a week I almost destroyed everything I worked for.
I'm getting back on the horse! No matter how many times it throws me off! I'm sort of determined (oxymoron!). I want to loose weight it's a true goal of mine, but at this current moment I don't want to put in the effort. I'm going to. I have to. I set a goal, and even though I don't want to all the time, I have it. It's the same with simple things I set and achieve. I wanted to run a pen out (silly I know) but when we got back from our honeymoon I had this pink pen that we bought there and I used that sucker completely up! Took a couple of months but I did it. And last year about this time I was upset that I hadn't been keeping up with this daily diary My mom gave me back in 2008. It has 5 years in it, and is actually pretty cool. I was upset because I went MONTHS without writing in it and had lost a lot of what I did for the wedding during that time. But about a month before the Wedding I started writing again. And once I set my mind that I wanted to write in it everyday for a year... damn it... that's exactly what I've been doing! It'll be a year (with no gaps in writing) towards the middle of April and I'm really excited. It's a matter of taking it, literally, one day at a time. I wrote in that journal every day and if I missed a weekend or a day, the next day or the next time I wrote I had to back track my days to get it all right and to reach my goal. It's the same with weight loss and I have to remember that. No matter how many times I flake out or mess up I have to go back and get it right! Profound huh?! Who knew I had the answer to my problem within another occasion of mine. Another annoying goal I had set is to grow out my hair. At one point (about 3 or so years ago) I cut it all off and highlighted it. I hated it. It made my face look so round and chubbier so I swore I'd let it grow out and I still haven't cut it. I've gotten it trimmed but ALWAYS said "keep the length" and now I have my hair the longest it's ever been and I love it! So I guess anything's possible. I think it might have to do with remembering your goal, the hair cut, and not giving into temptation, the need for something different (or a shorter do). Just some thoughts. And now that I've written a novel and actually feel pretty damn good. A lot better than when I started writing, and have worked out some issues I do feel a bit more hopefull! I hope this helps or that it makes sense. I tend to ramble when I get into the simple act of writing. Another hobby of mine :). Have a blessed day and thanks for checking in on me :) :) :) :)
Im sorry you are feeling down love. I know exactly how you feel. The only way i've ever been able to have success before is by doing exactly that - setting a goal and meeting it - but the problem with that for me and weight loss is that once I met that goal I went back to my old ways. This time - my goal is to live a healthier life - to be a better and more thoughtful person when it comes to food and exercise and to drink water loL!
You really are doing a great job - you may be slipping more than you'd like, but you have the insight to see what you are doing and why you are doing it. So many people live in denial Chels - I am one of them. I literally have to sit myself down and really reflect on how crappy Ive done or how great ive done.
I have the utmost faith in you. You should really get a trainer as we talked about. that will help you with the working out - and when you do your tracking that will help with the food! YOU CAN DO IT!
I love you and im here girlfriend.