Only one day with my sweet husband this weekend, but I really enjoyed it. It feels like we still have a day left, but the reality is tomorrow is work/school day. And I have a lovely mid-term. I really want just one more day with him! Tonight we decided to have frito pie and our own chili, it was DELICIOUS! We replaced the beef with ground turkey, there's no dang difference, and it was so fulfilling! It's tons better than the canned chili! I was quite impressed! With a bit of a kick because of the tomatoes and green chili's... oh so good. I'll post the recipe later! Earlier today we traveled all around town. First we were headed to Oliveto's, but then changed our minds last minute and ate at Road House. Some really good food today!! Then we went to O'Reilly's for some truck stuff, then headed to Wal-Mart for some tupper-ware. We got the kind that's suppose to make the fruits and vegetables last longer. I went ahead and made some single serving sized portions of fruit and I put it at eye level so when I get hungry and go to the fridge I'll see the fruit and go for those instead of the bad stuff! I also have plans of brining my lunch with me to work and school to save on money. So after Wal-Mart we went, with the intention of watching a softball game, but arrived too early and only had time to watch the practice/warm up. We were a bit bummed, but there's always a next time! Then we went to Academy and I got the MOST adorable disc. Richard got one that looks like a sun for disc golf. We've already planned to play at least twice this coming staycation we've got going on. We then went to the grocery store and got TONS of food, all good of course. When I finally run out of "Lightly Salted" Lays and replace them with Baked Lays. Just slowly changing my eating habits :). And for desert we had frozen yogurt with strawberries and little bits of chocolate throughout the frozen yogurt, and it's so good! Only 3 points per 4 oz. Which is a lot! I'm so stoked that I found it, and that it was tasty!

Oh but our staycation we have a lot going on! I'm cleaning the house (again). Richard is finally going to get the heap out of the garage and I can have my parking spot back!! And we're going to be able to test drive an equinox during the week, and maybe I'll be able to finally decide what vehicle I'm gonna be getting. So we're most likely going to be able to get more things accomplished and have more fun than had we gone somewhere and spent tons of money. And since we want it to be kind of special we're thinking about getting all dolled up and going out for drinks and a good dinner to just enjoy and let loose! I need it! By now I've gone to visit my friends in Huntsville/ College Station and have had a couple of partying weekends, though never really my thing I think they helped take away some of the stresses of the semester. So there's tons going on and yet I'm not stressed because Richard will be here for 8 WHOLE days!! So exciting!!!!

Wow, so I see that I haven't posted since Monday, too long I guess since I've written how I feel about my weight loss journey. Tuesday I was very overwhelmed and just didn't want to do anything, and I didn't. I didn't go to school, and slept for a total of 16 hrs from the time I went to bed the night before until I went to bed Tuesday night. 13 Hrs were sleeping, and 3 were napping on the couch. A lot of sleeping. And when I wasn't sleeping you think I'd be crafting or doing homework... NOPE! I watched the season of Bad Girls Club that was on and basically caught up on the whole entire season, a lot of silly arguing, but I guess it was entertaining enough to keep my attention most of the time I was awake. I did eat right, wasn't really tempted to splerge, surprisingly. Even when I was hungry I made some air popped pop corn. So I guess in my giving up stage ( I guess that's what it's called) I didn't even think about eating horribly. I just didn't want to do anything. Only a week though until Richard and my staycation!!! How exciting! And the Sunday after that week is actually our 1 year anniversary! Even more exciting. It's kind of like we're taking that time to enjoy a year together (well being married). It's hard to believe it's been 3 yrs we've been together, and even harder to believe we've been married for a year now. Nothing really seems like it's changed in our relationship! Well at first I guess it did, we didn't do the dirty as much, but now that I'm getting "me" on track that part has kicked back into gear. I guess the happiness of the relationship rests on the happiness of the woman in the relationship... lol. Great stuff!

So Wednesday's weigh in I lost .4 lbs. Only .2 away from a full fledge 5 pound loss. I'm not so much motivated to lose weight, but I am excited to see the weight gone! I don't feel as motivated as I did in the beginning but I'm not questioning what I'm doing. I'm still going to try and better the way and what I eat, as well as my work out routine. I REALLY have to get that going! I guess I could try and do a Bowflex workout while watching one of my shows. I do enjoy watching my shows a lot. I keep saying I'll work out, but unless it's prevalent on my mind I tend to forget, whether on purpose or accident I'm not 100% certain. Oh the troubles of losing weight!! After a talk with my Educ Psych teacher last night I have decided to start drinking a bottle of water and then have a diet soda. I haven't really been thinking about my soda intake since it's 0 points, but I do need to have more water and less sodas, diet or otherwise. So I'm making more steps, I'm not giving up, and still trying to reach my weight loss goal and overall lifestyle change. It's hard, but so much easier this time around. I just feel like I have such a good support system. Real people going through the same troubles and trials I have to go through and understand and don't give you advice when they've been thin all their lives and have never really have to struggle... There's just something calming and relaxing knowing others are struggling but still doing it just like you!! So keep to your weight loss goals even when you want to throw in the towel and give up. You'll be happier in the long run if you just stick to your original goals! :).

So these are the plates we JUST had to have!! We had to go pick up the red and yellow small ones and the yellow big ones. We also got a chip and dip bowl that matches and two big serving platters, and small and big cups that are all the same color. It's all plastic but looks like it's clay or glass. I don't really know what our other plates are made of. But I really like the colors. It'll go well with the pickled red peppers, jalapeno and yellow peppers you can buy that I think are so BEAUTIFUL! I love those kinds of colors. We have some really good ideas and plans to make it all cohesive! I'm really stoked!! But here are the plates. :)

The weekend was amazing! Richard and I enjoyed going to play disc golf on Saturday and are really looking forward to doing it again! We're even talking of going to get us one, and of course I'd try my hardest to get a really cute pink one! Maybe it'll help with my throw! lol. It didn't come natural to me, but Richard kicked ASS!! He was really good at it and caught on quickly! Then on Saturday we went out to eat at a new restaurant and it was so DELICIOUS Richard and I seriously contemplated going back for dinner to eat the SAME meal! That's saying something for us! And I made healthy choices since the meal was pasta and covered in a cream sauce I asked it on the side and just used how much I felt I wanted for taste, which cut back MAJORLY on the points! Then drove all the way to Longview to get some plates for our kitchen since I found the most adorable plates that I JUST had to have for our kitchen, and so the journey began. I DO NOT like Longviews set up. It's nothing like Tyler, and was very difficult to move around and find things. And a fabulous nights sleep on our wonderful new bed. Then Sunday we slept in... sorta. Noel wouldn't let us stay asleep. She's really something! Sometimes she'll lay on Richard's chest and start to growl at him to wake him up, it's so adorable! But Noel is like the exact definition of adorable! She's so funny!

Then we watched on TV and headed to the grocery store and did some shopping, where we forgot some essentials for gravy (cream of mushroom soup) and thought we'd have to go back, but luckily my mom had some :). And as I watched some TV Richard did the dishes (he's a God-send!!). And finally when it came time to cook dinner I really didn't want to and put it off, then found out we needed more potatoes, luckily my grandmother had some :). This living close to relatives thing is workin out right now. So then FINALLY I was able to cook the mashed potatoes, and everything turned out WONDERFULLY! It didn't turn out exactly as my nana's does every holiday, but it was close enough that I'll be able to help with the cooking and eventually carry on the tradition when she passes. Let me tell you I've got the mashed potatoes DOWN! I can make garlic mashed potatoes, and regular, and they both turn out tasting amazing! That plate is not what we drove all that way for, and originally there are peas (sweet peas) all over the plate. My family (well most) put the peas on top of the mashed potatoes and I always add some more on the side, but I forgot to take a photo and so when Richard got seconds we took one, and there weren't any more peas... sad day! lol. So we also cover the plate in gravy, but I did use wheat flour instead of white. Not wonderfully better, but better all the same!! OH and I forgot we put up the bed. I can't believe that the gold on the bed completely matches the hardware on the night stands and dresser! I bought them from two completely different places and about a year to two in between the purchases! Awesome!!! So it really goes well. We still need to add up the wall decor we've got picked out for the room. Now we only have a couple of things, but we'll get there slowly!

I weighed myself this morning and it didn't look good. It actually doesn't look like I lost any weight so far. But that's okay. I'm at the same or maybe .2 less than weigh in last week, it's still something. And not loosing and staying the same is better than gaining!! Every week I don't gain is another week towards my goal! I can't forget either that I did lift weights Monday and maybe it balanced out with what I lost, muscle building I mean. I still have high hopes this week for weight loss, but I'll just have to wait and see what happens.

Weigh in went really well! I lost 3.6 lbs, and feel amazing. In total I've lost 4.4 lbs. I'm really excited to reach 5 lbs. and in only 3 for real weeks. I've been on this journey now for changing my life for about 7 weeks and I feel GREAT! I still haven't been sleeping all that well, except for last night. Though I did get some help from some Advil PM. I slept so good, I feel really rested today, and I didn't dream about killing my husbands childhood friend... thank goodness! I've been thinking a lot, as always, and I've noticed that when I start to do really well in my personal life and taking care of myself I tend to stop taking care of my work persona! My attention span and memory is failing me in that are, where I'm completely remembering what I ate for like 3 days at a time and when I eat, and what the points are for certain food items. But with work, I'm seriously lacking! I'm not willing to change my personal life since I now have it the way I want it, but I need to somehow find out a way to do both. I've never succeeded at this before so it's going to be very difficult. And since I've somehow managed to balance my personal eating and school, while being able to have time for a social life and working out... I think this time I'll get it though. I am more determined this time. So Tuesday night I had the MOST delicious chicken. I grilled it on the george forman (of course) but this time put some garlic and italian herb seasoning along with Spike (excellent stuff) and some seasonal! It was so delicious. I had tat with some velveta shells and green beans. Wednesday night I wanted chicken but after the volleyball I really didn't want to have to clean the kitchen and decided on cereal instead and still had 3 points left over for the day.

I do feel tons better about this venture on weight loss, I know I keep saying that, but it's true, and I'm continuously shocked how dedicated I am to my weight loss journey. I've never been this way about it, and it feels wonderful. Even though areas in my life are a little off right now, I still feel so in control because I AM (finally) controlling the food I eat. A bit repetitive but I can't emphasize enough how great I feel all around. I was challenged to set out work out goals and tell someone, then stick to it and check in with that someone. What I've decided to do is make my workout really convenient to me right now, and get more use to it, and make it apart of my routine. Then maybe I can make it apart of everyday life. So my plan as far as working out includes the Wii Active (since it kicks my butt every time). I plan on working out with my husband on Saturday, working out with my friend on Monday, and Tuesday I plan to do the wii active again (though this time by myself). So Tuesday will really be a test since I'm not really relying on someone else to keep me accountable. But I'm excited. My arms are FINALLY starting to feel normal again from Monday's workout (that P90x kicks my butt too!!) Another bonus to this weekend's workout in Richard and I are re-arranging our house some since we FINALLY got in our Mattress (don't get me started on the delivery guy!!) so we're gonna shampoo our bedroom (finally) and get the queen into the guest bedroom, and then my in-laws and friends can come and stay with me no-matter what and they won't be stuck on a blow up mattress! It's pretty sweet! So we've got a lot of moving around, and I'm thinking about being the one to shampoo the carpet so that it adds to my calories burned. Or maybe we'll switch it out, who knows. But that's tonights plan. To shampoo and get EVERYTHING out of our bedroom. I'll take before and after pics, mainly for my purposes but I'll post them for fun anyways. I guess I should get back to what I'm being paid to do. Thanks for the support (Heather :), it means the world to me!

Lots of feelings going through me right now, as you can tell. For dinner tonight I had grilled chicken, a cup of garlic mashed potatoes from this weekend and sweet peas. It was DELICIOUS! Let me tell you that this george forman grill is EXCELLENT! If anyone wants one they're at Sears and when we got our it was 30 bucks! It's great for having low fat, low grease, meats. It was delicious and I think I can come up with TONS of ways to season it! For lunch I had a lean pocket, great for on the go kinds of stuff, and 2 oz of chips, I got to use my new food scale!! I like it! And the Atkins Chocolate and Caramel Protein bars are very tasty! I also tried a new protein bar from my friend heather, and it does taste like a candy bar! It was pretty good. Oh and I worked out today, though I really didn't want to...

Today I was some what under stress with some home work being done (that I haven't done), and I didn't go to work to wait for our dang new King sized bed, and they didn't end up coming until roughly 5 o'clock, and I could've been here instead of my grandparents waiting for like 3 hours at my house for these suckers!!! But no, they told me 2, which I was in class during that time! UGH! So I was dealing with that and trying to catch up on the reading for today's class, and trying to get ready, and eating lunch, picking up around the house... I've been thinking the last couple of days about all the things I've got going on right now! School, work, changing my life (weight watchers & working out), Socializing, Blogging, Scrapbooking, Writing/Reading (personal), taking care of a home, taking care of two dogs... and of course taking care of my sweet husband and having time for him. So many different aspects of my life to keep under control, and when I start to feel really stressed, I can't eat away my feelings, and I can't purchase away my feelings because well, I don't make a lot if any because of school taking up all my time!! So, so, so much going on! I'm going to try and when I feel stressed or other overwhelming feelings, to either clean, do my hobby, or write. I think it'll work out better than the other things I've been doing, like increasing in size or making myself BROKE!

Yesterday Richard and I had turkey burger's. We bought ground turkey meat and added in some egg whites (not sure how much, Richard did it), and our own seasoning, and cooked it on the george forman grill (there was NO grease or fat) and it didn't taste EXACTLY like a regular burger but it will do for a healthier version of one, And the added protein really helped, I couldn't even finish it. We had the oreida fries for a side and they turned out really tasty! Over all we had a good and productive weekend. We found some good and healthier ways of eating! And I'm really stoked about that! OH, another thing we did to change something bad to good is we made pigs in the blanket, I think I mentioned this already, but I'll mention it again. They were the lit'l smokies but made out of turkey, 2 points for 4, and cut the crescent rolls into small pieces to just sort of go around the wiennies to make miniature pigs in the blanket. 4 of them is 3 points with the bread. (we used the reduced fat crescent rolls). They're really good even re-heated, and that's a big deal for me! Richard also suggested them as a snack for parties or like superbowl parties, that kind of thing!

I worked out today, but I don't think I truly worked out with my efforts being 100%, which saddens me. I feel sore in my arms and trust me I was sweating but I just didn't feel as much of a work out this go around than I did last time. And I've been contemplating finally gettin my ass in gear and working out on the wii active. It kicks my butt, but I do want to be more active working out wise. It's all about making it happen, making you're own dreams come true... (I sound like a infomercial for a weight loss pill). But it's true. This feels different. Even Richard is actively helping me to do better, better food choices at home and in the restaurants. For example we went to dinner with my parents and some close friends on Sunday for lunch as they came in. It's a down home, country cookin kind of place in Frankston called 7-B and while everyone, I mean everyone, at the table got the chicken fried steak, I got the soup and salad bar and had one salad and the soup and two pieces of bread. It was good and satisfying. So it's possible, I just have to be conscience of what I'm putting into my mouth, as a dear friend says! So I'm working hard to change my life for the better and I can really feel a difference in me. And so can my husband. He thinks that because of the changes I'm making, not only on a personal level, but also on a social level (new friends) I'm just overall becoming happier, which makes our relationship more intimate. It's all because I'm changing and doing things I truly want to do and I'm making it happen. Not without the tons of help I'm getting of course! I guess the right motivation, and the right support group is all I really needed! Now to get some much needed rest before a big day of nothing but school work tomorrow!

So weigh in was Wednesday and I lost .8 lbs. Not great, but it's going down and that's all that matters! While at the Weight Watchers meeting I purchased a food scale! I'm really excited to use it, but I haven't needed to weigh anything quite yet. I've been keeping in my points. Matter of fact today I probably haven't eat roughly 10 points, but it's been a weird day! I didn't work out today, but I cleaned the shit out of our house! Richard and I aren't dirty people, but we don't put things up when we either purchase them or get them out, so our house becomes cluttered!! And today, while Richard thought I was sitting on my bum, like I normally do on a day off, I cleaned. From 9 in the morning to eleven, then from 1 to 2:30. It looks GREAT!! I'm really excited to see Richard's face when he walks in and the house is spotless!! I CAN'T WAIT!

My sweet hubby and I are having a romantic candle lit dinner with steaks and garlic potatoes and green beans! I'm really excited about it! And the house is clean and I have votive holders with candles all around the house (thanks to the electricity going out and needing some light).

Richard LOVED coming home to the surprise, and we have had a wonderful day together!! Spent most of our time this morning in town, and it was CRAZY busy! I got me some more adorable shoes, on sale, and very similar to the pair my friend has. Richard got him some boots for work, he's needed a new pair for a couple of months now!! We're in the process of cooking our romantic dinner, we're having steaks CAKED with seasoning! Green beans, and some garlic potatoes. This is our first time to try and do the garlic mashed potatoes, I'll let you know how they go. For lunch we had McAlister's, I got the "Choose any two" and got half a chicken panini and a cup of the chicken tortilla soup. I didn't go too prepared for the choices so I'm not sure what the calories are for what I ate, or what my points are left for the day, but later on... after the romantic stuff, I'm gonna catch up on my tracking. I even had time to do some crafts!! Awesome day! Actually AWESOME last several days!! Yesterday I got to hang out with a dear friend and crafted and did TONS of shopping (unneeded, but I love the stuff I got). Just an awesome, awesome past couple of days!

I worked out yesterday! It was AWESOME! I didn't finish, but I think I did pretty good. I worked out for about 35 minutes, though the last 10 I'd work out, then rest, work out, then rest. But I worked out! And I feel WONDERFUL! On my way home I was SOOO motivated! I wanted to do my hobbies, and workout more often, just SOOO motivated!! I really wanted to get to crafting, but I needed to cook me a dinner, but why not! It's not very often I'm this motivated to do what I WANT to do!

This morning I woke up without an alarm, or my sweet hubby calling me! I had plenty of time to finish my crafts (they had to dry) and to make my lunch, with a couple of extras, AND to even make it by my friends house and drop something off for her. I just feel right, and it's been awhile since I've felt this right! The only times I can remember feeling this in control of everything going on around me, school, work, home, friendships, hobbies, etc., is Junior year (most self-motivated and highest self-esteem I've ever known) and when Richard and I started to become serious and I was in the HIGH of being "In-Love". The euphoria of the first couple of years, that eventually wears off (always does) and you find your relationship is stronger than you EVER knew! Those are the only times, other than now, that I truly felt great about myself, what I was doing, and where I'm going in life. It'd due to working out, and eating healthier. But it's also due to finding a field that I'm truly happy in, that really challenges me mentally, a field that I truly feel motivated and energetic about the next two years in school. All the things I HATE about my classes are just minor annouances simply because I know it's necissary to get where I want to go. Maybe that's the same way I feel about this weight loss as well. All the draw backs, like having to work out and feeling SUPER sore the next day, and time and the patience it takes to eat healthy and eat when you're suppose to, and how you're suppose to just don't bother me as much because I know where I want to go and I know this is necissary to get there. (It helps I have a VERY motivating friend!!!)

Now my pondering mind keeps racing about my next workout and when it will be. Last night I lasted for thirty five minutes which is better than I'd been doing at home, and I obviously can make it to a reasonable point... I guess it's just one of those things I'll just have to suck up and do... LIKE HOMEWORK!! Which is waiting for my attention as I type... off I go.

Not a bad day in how it's been going, but a bad day in how well I ate. I was bad! I was CRAVING chocolate. I have been all week. Something about Valentines and all the chocolate commercials and the reality that I wasn't going to be getting any for valentines, I HAD to have chocolate! So when we went to lunch at Chili's, yes you have it right, we had the Chocolate Molten Cake. It's not staying in my points for the day, but I used some of my weekly points to eat it. I'm quite satisfied and when we went shopping for groceries I didn't feel the urge to buy tons of candy or a cake or brownies. So it did good while I was doing bad! I did plan my food for the week and Richard and I replaced some item in our fridge with less pointed stuff. Also while we were waiting on my sweet hubbies alignment at Sears, we decided to take back an item, which I ended up getting something else for night time, super cute and pink! I love it!, and shopped around the mall a little where I found CUTE shoes for 10 bucks, and we got a piece of art to put up on our huge wall to replace the wreath that was there and looked FABULOUS during the christmas Holidays! And some things for for when we finally get our King bed in and we'll do more decorating in our bedroom, which we purchased some really good looking sconces and are going to look FABULOUS! For half the price of the other ones we were looking at! I LOVE stuff on sale. And the one thing in everything we purchased that actually relates to this blog is we purchased a George Forman grill with a bread/bun warmer on top at Sears for 30 bucks on sale! I need to be able to grill, and I'm not an outside grilling kind of gal, so we're trying to make it so I can cook some chicken while my sweet husband is out of town. The pamphlet says it only takes 9 min to cook the meat, which is way less than almost any other thing I would cook. So it'll be a great source for me to cook when I'm short on time.

We had a really good dinner together, and even made some ranch dressing from light mayonnaise, and 2% milk with the seasoning and it wasn't bad. I'll probably stick with light Italian and when I'm craving ranch to just have that since the points are SO low! I weighed myself today out of curiosity and I have high hopes for my weigh in on Wednesday!! We'll see how well it goes and I'll post my results. Tomorrow I'm working out at a friends house, we'll see how long I'll be able to last, probably not long, but I'll do my best to hang in there! I'll post more about my progress and struggles tomorrow!

So I've been thinking (as usual) and I really believe this time it's completely atainable! I found several new drinks (Coke Zero, Cherry Coke Zero, Diet Cherry Dr. Pepper, Diet Big Red, Diet Sprite) that wont count against me while on Weight Watchers. This is magnificent! One of the reasons I kept failing is because I couldn't get rid of my cokes and cokes cost a LOT of points. Another thing I've come to realize is that I've been eating WAY too little! I haven't been eating enough and my body has gone into starvation mode. With those fiber bars I didn't feel the need to eat and therefore haven't been eating that much and as I noticed yesterday when I started calculating my points, I have not been eating enough! I have 35 points to eat each day, and yesterday I had 19 left in my day. On the weight watchers program you have to eat all you points in the day for your body to loose the weight in the right way, and apparently I haven't been doing that. I ended up being able to make up for the rest of the points at a friends house with a 4 slices of thin crust pepporoni pizza and I even had points left over from that. So I'm going to focus on my points for the next couple of days, which is the goal of week one being back on weight watchers, and we'll see how well I do at weigh in.

I never got around to making my lunch Wednesday night, but did have time to do it Thursday morning and for right now the bread I'm eating is okay, I'll have to go back to a different kind when I loose points, but for now it'll help me to take up my points. I also need to focus back on my vegatable and fruits. And my friend Heather is going to help me with the vitamins I need to be taking (cause I'm COMPLETELY clueless when it comes to those). And eventually I'll add in the oils I'm suppose to be getting in, and I just can't tell you how different I feel this go around with the weight loss. I'm not focused necissarily on the scale at this moment. I'm more focused on the healthy part of it all.

So with the motivation talk, I decided to list all of my motivations for loosing this weight. And when I get discouraged or I didn't do well one week I can look back on all the reasons I want to do this. And maybe with this and a few other changes I'll be 100% successful this time! (It helps having a support system! Let me tell you!)

Motivations:
1. To be able to more easily find clothes in my size
2. My self-esteem to be boosted
3. To be healthier for my husband and my kids (eventually)
4. To be able to wear the kinds of clothes and styles that I like
5. To wear high heels without my feet hurting as much
6. I would LOVE to run a marathon...
7. I would love to be able to run in general
8. I would like to finally be in control of my weight
9. I want to teach my kids to eat and be healthy
10. To go hiking, and enjoy it
11. To go biking, and keep up with my husband
12. To wear a bikini, and for it to look GREAT!
13. To simply be healthy!!
14. To NEVER hear "advice" from relatives who think they have it under control (and don't)

I'm sure there are more and I'll edit and post more later! But I would highly suggest making a list of the reasons you want to loose weight and keeping it where you can refer back to it when you get in the slumps.

Excellent day today!! Got invited go get a pedi!! It was awesome! It's been so long since I've just gone out after work and done something with a friend! It's so awesome! I'm just in girl heaven right now!

The meeting was about motivation, and well it kind of got me motivated. It wasn't just the meeting it was a couple of other things that lead up to the "defining moment." Such as, last night I watched "The Biggest Loser" and was contemplating the younger pink teams member. She was doing the work but not very dedicated to what she was doing, she wasn't putting any heart into her workouts. And I've been thinking a lot lately (as always) about why is it so hard. I'm always battling in my head to get fries, or not to get fries. To do good, or not to do good. And more times than not I choose to not do good, or to go ahead and have the fries. I justify it because I'm contemplating it. What I need to do, and I had come to this conclusion back in my Junior year in high school when I finally decided then to loose weight and not sit on my ass, is to not think about it. Simply do it. Sounds so simple, but that kind of conclusion is harder to come by than you think. I am implementing this philosophy starting now. My plan is to plan. To make a time where I work out, on Sundays (as Heather suggested) to plan out my meals for the week in advance so I don't run into one of my pitfalls of being SOOOOOOO damn hungry and just getting all the wrong kinds of food that take twice as much to satisfy me. I'm just going to do what I know is right instead of there being another option. I guess it's kind of the same for Divorce. If it's an option, then more times than not, the couple get divorced. Where for me it's not an option, Richard is stuck with me whether he likes it or not!! lol, though I'm sure he'd comment he wants to stay with me, the good husband that he is!

Back to the motivation. It was slightly ironic that motivation was the topic of the first day I decide, and actually go through with going. It's like someone was planning on me being there and knew it would help to draw me back and keep me on track. So we talked about motivation and the key behind it, why we were motivated, and how to stay motivated, and keeping positive thoughts running through your head instead of all the negative thoughts. They focused on changing the way you see success. Like, focus on the fact that you did well for most of the week, and even though you slipped up, keep your mind on the positive. I know that more times than I'd like to admit after I mess up I just give in. It's one of the reasons I couldn't stop drinking cokes for the longest times! Now it's not a big deal cause I have Coke Zero thanks to a good friend!

I had started my philosophy when I went to get lunch and instead of debating over whether to go ahead and try the Chargrilled Chicken Sandwich (which is pretty good!) or go ahead and get the Chik-fil-A Chicken Sandwich I just went with the Chargrilled. And instead of pondering on whether to get a regular fry since I was really hungry, or getting a small fry so it's better, I decided on a side salad. Then with the salad, instead of trying to decide on the HORRIBLE for you Ranch dressing, which I LOVE!!, I got the fat free honey mustard dressing. It's easier when there's not a battle. When there is only one answer.

My hunger level is less! I had that side salad which I think helped to satisfy along with the healthy chargrilled chicken sandwich and the vegetables on that, which are filling foods and help you to stay satisfied, so I believe that my choices for lunch were very well chosen.

Now to say something that I think needs to be said. There are only a hand full of times that some is blessed with someone in their life, and I've had a few really good friends who I would say are a blessing and my sweet husband who is also a HUGE blessing, but I think Heather is a blessing as well! She is more motivating than I think I could put into words, and she does so good at keeping me honest and from allowing myself to have that other option. And it's odd but I feel kind of like she's always been a friend to me. There's not that window of awkwardness that I feel after making a new friendship. And that's only happened with a hand full of people for me. Okay no more novel writing. I'm being paid to do some paper work and I guess I should get to it!

So yesterday I didn't do so well... I was hungry all day! In the morning I just had my instant start breakfast that has like twice the protein of egg, and twice the calcium of milk, then had a fiber bar, then had my lunch then had a bag of M&M's (really bad I know!!! I was so hungry and bad things just sound better when I'm hungry) then had ANOTHER fiber bar, and then roman noodles for dinner and still was so DANG hungry, so I had a HUGE bowl of fruit loops... so bad!!! And this morning I'm still SO HUNGRY!! I can't seem to ward off the hunger and I know that's going to mean REALLY bad things when it comes to lunch time. Though today is weight watchers. Yes I'm actually going this time... 3 weeks later. But dag-gome-it I'm going! Now it's partly because a friend is taking the time to support me and go with me. The first visit if free for non-members so she won't have to dish out any cash. And I'm still paying the good 'ole 40 bucks a month automatically so I'm still good.

I can't figure know why I really don't want to go. I know the program works, and that I'll be able to start loosing weight instead of staying the same. And then there's the support from the group, but I just don't want to go. And for some reason I'm loosing my motivation for other things. It's week 4 in school and I was doing so well with getting my school work done in an appropriate amount of time, and I felt slightly overwhelmed during the week. It's like the week 2 of dieting, you feel like you can't keep going and you want to just give up... but you know you can't! And you just have to fight through it... but you don't want to... ugh! So I'm eating another stinkin fiber bar to try and satisfy my hunger so I don't do bad, bad, bad. I'll report back after the weight watchers meeting as to my motivation and hunger level. Wish me luck!!

So my friend and I weren't able to go swimming today. Apparently it's an outside pool and right now its winter... which means NO swimming. Though since it was already planned I came home and worked out, and as the title implies I was only able to last for 10 minutes. But it's better than nothing! For dinner I had a turkey hot dog, with turkey chili. And I'm now drinking Coke Zero, thanks to the same friend that's been motivating me. And I kind of think I even like it better than regular coke cause it's less acidic. Anyways so I'm still planning to go to Weight Watchers on Wednesday and then will have to go back through the house hole foods and label everything with what the points for each item is until I memorize them again. Oh and for those of you slightly afraid to try the turkey hot dog, it doesn't taste any different and same goes for the turkey chili. I was quite surprised. Another thing I changed about what we get is instead of regular lays, we got the "Lightly Salted". I've still been keeping to the fiber bars, still not certain how they'll actually help me in the long run, but we'll see. Also I'm getting the 2% cheese. I'm trying... and I'm really thinking this time it will stick. If I don't loose the kind of weight I'm hoping to in the time I set out I'll at least be healthier and loosing it over time. Again, we'll see. I really am trying different things than I have every other time I've undergone this kind of change. I'm hoping to work out tomorrow.