So since my last update I've lost 5 plus pounds and couldn't tell you what I've changed. I've been just eating right and slimming down my portions. I weigh out the baked chips I eat, and the turkey I put on my sandwich or the chips I use for my frito pie, or how much chili I use for the frito pie or hot dog. I've really been doing a good job I must say! Last week I lost 2.2 lbs, and this week I've lost 3 lbs. How exciting! I truly don't feel like a big 'ole balloon any more! I feel like I'm in control and I can make the changes necessary to reach my goals! 12.2 lbs lost in total. How freakin amazing?! And the best part is I haven't even been tracking my points. I'm sure sooner (most likely rather than later) I'll hit a plateau and I'll have to re-structure what I'm doing but I feel amazing! I walk on Monday's with a good friend, and now (after posting with desperation for someone to walk with me on facebook) I have 2 girls that I went to high school with walking with me on Tuesdays and Fridays! And This week I'll even have Thursday thrown in there. I'm stoked!! I am getting over my reservations about working out. Granted I have someone else there with me, at least I'm doing it! And the fact that these girls also want to loose the weight is amazing! Yesterday we walked together and we walked 2 miles total. My shins or calves didn't hurt one single bit while I walked and I'm so glad! I might be able to throw in some running every once in a while in there and start to run a bit more, which will enhance my weight loss even more. Richard and I STILL haven't moved out the bowflex, but we are determined to do it! We really just have so much going on in the weekends it either escapes our thoughts or when we remember we don't have enough time. So it's on my list of to-dos, and I'm sticking by that list too! For example walking/ working out regularly was on that to-do and I'm getting it to-done!!

I did what I promised! Today I went to Weight Watchers, found out that in the last 3 weeks I've lost 3 lbs. Not bad, 1 lb a week is actually about normal! So in total I've lost 7lbs. And I didn't keep track of my points or anything like that. Matter of fact I didn't even size out my portions. I have to say that this time it really is a life style change. I can't believe how many things I think about that I use to do and now it's completely different! For instance, I don't eat fast food, and if I do it HAS to be chik-fil-a, all the other places are just a set up for failure. I DO NOT allow bad food into the house. Now this past week was a MAJOR exception because of Easter and I did a basket for my sweet husband, but This morning first thing I took the left over candy to work to allow everyone else in the office to get fatter and keep that candy out of my house! I do indulge a bit more now than I did starting out, but I've found the most wonderful desert! It's frozen yogurt, 4oz for 3 points (not bad at all!) and it's so delicious. I had a little bit of the fudge shell on top for a bit more naughtyness and it's so delectable! It's the perfect "bad for me" tasting desert, where I feel like I'm really splurging but turns out, I'm not doing too bad! ALSO! As I promised I've been finishing a glass of water in the mornings before I start after my soda's. Yesterday I didn't, but all last week and Monday and Today I've had my glass of water before the diet soda I drink! And I'm actually starting to crave water, just as I thought I would once I forced myself to drink more of it! Monday before one of my classes I tried it then yesterday before one of my classes I tried it again, absolutely CRAVING a water, but the stinkin coke machines were out... BOTH coke machines! How is this healthy for the people of this country! There are 2 slots for regular coke, 1 for diet coke, 1 for sprite, 1 for a vitamin water, 1 for an energy drink, 1 for a stinkin orange fanta, and 1... ONLY 1 slot for something healthy related... water! How is this allowing the youth or even adults of this college to be healthy, most certainly if it's not refilled every day! I was so aggravated! I wanted my stinkin water, so I had a diet soda... I was thirsty and the vitamin water doesn't do anything for me. I don't find them satisfying. So when I finally got home I had me about 4 big 'ole glasses of water! Basically what I'm so poorly getting around to is that for me I have to make myself to some things, small, in order for me to be able to make a bigger difference that's turns into something not forced.

In Weight Watchers today they revieled this "Walk it Challenge." They gave us all of the tools to help us make it to walk a 5k at the beginning of June, including something for us to track when and how long we walk. It give us "suggested" times and days for us to walk for the next 6 weeks to help build us up to walk a 5k. I think I might do it. I haven't been able to get myself to workout and if I do this I'll have to, and it starts out small like when I started forcing myself to drink water, then it catches on where I "have" or "want" to do it. Not to mention I'm hoping to do another "Marathon" here shortly with some more of my family so I need to do some training... last time my shins were absolutely killing me! So the "plan" starts out on a Sunday, but I think I'll start to go ahead and start it just giving my shins a bit more time to get acclimated to what I'll be doing. Then I think I'll start the plan again, after I finish it, but change it to running. It's an idea. I need to walk before I can run... lol. I crack myself up!

Thanks for all of your support! I'll update tomorrow on how the walk tonight goes.

Okay, not really. I truthfully hadn't realized the time that has gone by with my last weightloss update. So I've been around the same area. I weighed in at home at 256.00 as of right now that means I lost eight pounds. Not bad if you ask me! But let me explain my absence. School has been SUPER stressful! Observations came in and I wanted to go ahead and head out there to get them DONE, which is completed as of TODAY! (WHOOYA!) And it conflicted with my going to Weight Watchers meetings. Last Wednesday and this Wednesday (today) I had observation until about noon, which is when the WW meeting is and I had already missed all that work, so I opted to go ahead and not go. I haven't been keeping up with my points, but I haven't gone to eating horribly, or even badly... no weight gain. Today I'm starting to keep track of my points again and am starting full force right now. I'm trying to work in some walking time with myself and possibly my precious babygirl to join me. I'm not so much thinking about doing a MAJOR workout, but just doing SOMETHING will be beneficial. Then I'll already have that time set aside for it. But let me just say it might sound like I'm slacking to the passer by, but let me break down all the things my life consistes of and then what I've accomplished is quite a feat! I have to work 20-25 hrs a week, attend 15 hrs of school (not counting studying and school work), I have to take care of two dogs (alone during the week) which believe it or not takes up quite a bit of time, then add in that one of them is 1 and LOVES to play so she aggrivates and irritates you until you play with her, normally not a big deal but when you're in the middle of school work it's quite distracting, then add in visiting with friends and family (I love them all I have to spend time with them!) and my hobby (crafting) then the blog(s) that I'm trying to keep up with, OH and that dang addicting game Farmville on Facebook, then researching things for my hobby and trying to find time to talk to my sweet hubby, then planning for the next semester of school, and trying to cook and eat healthy all inbetween... I'm doing a DANG good job at balancing it all. The difference this semester than last I would say is I'm not so analytical. Shocker I know! You'd think this is analytical... but compared to my previous semester it's no where near it. Matter of fact I'm more likely to do something rather than ponder about it for weeks only to give up the thought entirely. I don't know completely why this change has happened, but I don't think it's worth finding out either. I'm happy where my life is headed and can't wait till I read ALL of my goals. Weight loss is about the biggest one, and will take the LONGEST to achieve! I'm determined though!

And more good news... I started adding more water into my diet. I had my husband start to ask me in the mornings, "Have you had your water yet?" which 1) reminds me I need to try and drink more water, brining it to the front of my mind and 2) keeps me reliable to my plan to have a glass of water before my diet soda! So I'm working towards it, slowly but surely I'm getting there! My mom said she could tell that I looked thinner in my face and in my stomache area. I feel better as well. I was able to, in the past week, able to get up between 5:30 and 6:30 at least 4 out of the past 7 days without being super groggy and mopy! How exciting is that! OOOHHH!! And I forgot to update about the walk!! My family and I did do the walk/run that was held last saturday and it was a BLAST! we had lunch at Ihop afterwards (they now offer TURKEY bacon!!!) Which I had of course, as well as my sweet husband. And turkey bacon is NOT bacon, but it's a great substitute when I'm craving it. Oh how different my eating and going out habits are compared to six months ago... it's crazY. So I've been struggling with walking lately. I've gone for a walk three times in the past week and a half and my shins are KILLING me and feel like they're about to break in two after just 10 min of walking! How crazy! I can't stand it! I'd go longer if my shins just weren't hurting so bad. So my friend has challanged me to walk more often, which I'm trying to work into my schedule. I really want to be able to do better at the next marathon walk that I do. I'm not going to do these marathons for competition but I really felt great after doing it on Saturday. Now when I got home my hubby and I took a nap that was suppose to last for a hour, but ended up being three :). I accidentally (for real) set my alarm for AM instead of PM. Anyways, if anyone is debating on whether to do a marathon or not I HIGHLY recommend it! Even if you just do the walk part until you can make it to the run part I highly, highly, HIGHLY recommend it!!! I guess I've written a novel and will leave you be.

This was on the yahoo top 30 thing they do. It's about the only "research" I on topics posted on the internet not realted to crafting, but this one caught my eye and I thought I'd sare! Thanks for your support!!!
http://shine.yahoo.com/event/makeover/five-weight-loss-myths-1106336/

So I didn't go to weight watchers, this was because of an upset boss and I didn't want to give him a reason to gribe with me taking over an hour for break, so I decided it was in MY best interest and health to not go. However I did weight myself this morning and I was at 255.9. I lost 2.3 lbs. How EXCITING. I was certain I had gained and had gone backwards on my weight loss journey, but no, I have not! I've lost some weight. This is very motivating and proves that I am actually changing my lifestyle. If I wasn't I would've gained for sure! So I'm pleased with my choices over the last couple of weeks. Very pleased indeed! I think I was moving around alot through out Spring break, I mean my husband and I were all over town every single day. Only one day did we not do anything. I'm very satisfied. So no more writing, this is just a quick update with my current weight! Can't wait for more to come. BTW I ordered the new Flip Ultra HD to record videos and take pictures so next Saturday when I do the walk with my family I'll take photos and/or videos and post them to share my experience! Thanks for supporting me!

So the week off is taking it's toll. I haven't weighed in yet, but am going to Weight Watchers. Last week I had tempting chocolate just laying around from a "birds nest" I made for my family and never threw them out so guess who kept snacking on them all week? I forgot I was doing it until last night I found myself being drawn to them continuously... so I threw them out. Quite literally, I threw what was left in the trash. Even after they were gone I caught myself craving them, and yes I had enough will power to stay out of the trash can!! I've been eating what I know to be healthier foods but I haven't been keeping up with my points this week. Now it doesn't help that I went from a week plus with my husband every second of every day and friends here and there and this week, due to schedule difficulties and the dang rain, I haven't spent much time with anyone. Not yesterday Richard's phone got drenched and thus phone is now dead and we had to talk on the computer last night, but not all night. He didn't get home and out of the shower until about 9:30 pm which is about the time we try to be in bed by and we head to sleep around 10:30. Last night however due to our lack of conversation all day we stayed up until about 11:30, and I had to wake up at 6 this morning. Did that happen? NO! I woke up around 7 and only had 15 min to get ready this morning. But I got everything done. I'm just a lucky dog that I took my shower last night and I'm not all nasty today. I'm very discouraged. Mostly from my emotional state at the moment. I really miss Richard and I feel lost without being able to get ahold of him. It's quite frustrating. I wanted to cry so many times last night but resisted and now the feeling has transfered into my morning hours. It's making my day dull and somewhat tragic. It's like when I start PMS'n and I want to cry at everything. However, it is not at the point, I'm just genuinely upset which makes it worst! I can't justify it and get over it. I try to come up with a reason why I can't get over this and nothing. Normally I just tell myself I'm being irrational, take a minute to an hour to do my own thing to vent (sort of like I'm doing but mentally) and then I'm fine. GRRRRR!

Oh a less personal note, last night I took my time at the house to make cards. I made 12 in total and could've done more had I focused on the cards more rather than the TV. Noel was entertaining and came to love on me a couple of times. She's so cute! But I did find that as I was enthralled into the card making I didn't feel as much of the need to snack. When I got distracted watching TV and sitting back to take a rest or when I went to get a refill in beverage is when I started to want to snack... and I wanted to snack on everything. It's that lonely, empty feeling. Some reason I think food will fill that void. And I know it wont. I feel better for just a second because I'm busy with something but then after about 20 minutes and that bag of chips is gone, etc. I'm lonely again with this feeling of regret which only makes me want to snack and eat more. I truly believe I can make my card making and scrapbooking a good alternative! I really enjoyed all of the creations I made and can't wait to have an occasion to use them. The next batch of cards I make will be for my teachers I'm observing! Which I have scheduled for next week and I CAN'T forget it!

Back to my point, after venting some more, I don't think I did well last week. I did well meal wise but with those chocolates sitting around I probably over ate. Damn those chocolates!! And damn me for buying them. I thought I could control myself, but it goes from, "Oh one or two wont hurt." Then you keep telling yourself that and by the end of the day you've had about 10 which ADD UP FAST! And when you have two different kinds around that's like 20, can't you just want that other taste after the first. And yes that one or two wouldn't make a big deal, if it stopped at one or two. Like I previously said they are not gone but the damage is already done. And I've been neglecting tracking my points and even though I think I'm staying well within them, there's no telling until I actually track it! And it would completely help if I was doing the water thing. I did it for about a week now it's no more. If you don't recall I had said I would drink a water before I'm allowed a soda. Well that definately died over Spring Break. There are no excuses. I'm just dissapointed in myself. I worked hard for weeks to change my habits and start this weight loss and in a week I almost destroyed everything I worked for.

I'm getting back on the horse! No matter how many times it throws me off! I'm sort of determined (oxymoron!). I want to loose weight it's a true goal of mine, but at this current moment I don't want to put in the effort. I'm going to. I have to. I set a goal, and even though I don't want to all the time, I have it. It's the same with simple things I set and achieve. I wanted to run a pen out (silly I know) but when we got back from our honeymoon I had this pink pen that we bought there and I used that sucker completely up! Took a couple of months but I did it. And last year about this time I was upset that I hadn't been keeping up with this daily diary My mom gave me back in 2008. It has 5 years in it, and is actually pretty cool. I was upset because I went MONTHS without writing in it and had lost a lot of what I did for the wedding during that time. But about a month before the Wedding I started writing again. And once I set my mind that I wanted to write in it everyday for a year... damn it... that's exactly what I've been doing! It'll be a year (with no gaps in writing) towards the middle of April and I'm really excited. It's a matter of taking it, literally, one day at a time. I wrote in that journal every day and if I missed a weekend or a day, the next day or the next time I wrote I had to back track my days to get it all right and to reach my goal. It's the same with weight loss and I have to remember that. No matter how many times I flake out or mess up I have to go back and get it right! Profound huh?! Who knew I had the answer to my problem within another occasion of mine. Another annoying goal I had set is to grow out my hair. At one point (about 3 or so years ago) I cut it all off and highlighted it. I hated it. It made my face look so round and chubbier so I swore I'd let it grow out and I still haven't cut it. I've gotten it trimmed but ALWAYS said "keep the length" and now I have my hair the longest it's ever been and I love it! So I guess anything's possible. I think it might have to do with remembering your goal, the hair cut, and not giving into temptation, the need for something different (or a shorter do). Just some thoughts. And now that I've written a novel and actually feel pretty damn good. A lot better than when I started writing, and have worked out some issues I do feel a bit more hopefull! I hope this helps or that it makes sense. I tend to ramble when I get into the simple act of writing. Another hobby of mine :). Have a blessed day and thanks for checking in on me :) :) :) :)

So since last Friday night I've been taking a small break from eating "right". I haven't completely given up, I haven't been tracking my points but I have been cautious of what I've been putting into my body. When we do find ourselves out to eat I look in my book from Weight Watchers and choose something low. I'm basically going by the rule book... sorta. I've eaten more points that is allowed in most of my days, but not too much over. I've been lenient but not going back completely to the way I was. It's been nice to ignore the counting and just kind of eat more so what I'm feeling and it's helping to make it feel like a "vacation" while we aren't leaving east Texas. Tonight we're eating a Taco Stack Up, and though with lean beef, it's not good for you. And tomorrow we're eating steaks, garlic mashed potatoes, green beans and for desert we're having the Great American Cookie Company cookie, it says "Happy 1 year" on it to celebrate our lovely 1 year anniversary!

Today I've found me quite hungry definitely while writing this blog and even though I could grab a bag of chips and plan to "just snack on some." Everyone knows it doesn't end with that "some". So I used my awesome food scale to weigh out one serving and just ate it! Then if I still needed more got one serving more than judged it from there. And I've been trying to drink some liquids to help make me feel fuller... at least for a while. So I've been doing well even in my badness.

Also today I planned what I'l be having for lunch and dinner all week next week. It'll be pretty easy every day next week to get back on my eating right kick. I figured I'll need a bit of help to get me to back to my limited eating and staying within my points each and every day!

I've been doing a lot and trying not to do a thing! Last wednesday when I weighed in they said I gained .8. Then I weighed at my friends house and it said I lost like 3.2, then came home and decided to weigh again to see how much my sweat shirt weighed and it said I lost 1.6. So I haven't a clue what to think about what i did last year. However the good news is this week is my "staycation" and I HAD made the decision to be more loose with my eating. Then when it came time for me to be "loose" with my eating I couldn't. Well I could, but I kept thinking about what I wanted more and each time the answer was to loose the WEIGHT!! So I let loose some, but kept my portions small and didn't let loose completely. It was good and I feel mostly guilty for what I did that was bad, but it felt good to enjoy what I'm craving for once. I found this awesome book by "Hungry Girl" that has 200 recipes under 200 calories. And Richard loved most of them! So we're pretty sure they're going to be tasty! We're planning to go play some disc golf tomorrow... if it ever stops raining! Today we were ALL over town! We woke up and basically headed right into town, but not before I started to become worried about Noel, we I went to my eye appointment and I was LUCKY enough that they had a pair of contacts I could go ahead and use until I order and get my contacts. Then we ate lunch, got me some SUPER cute glasses (don't buy yours from JC Penny, they're super expensive! even half off of it all!) And then ran back out to the house, picked up Noel and let my sister use the shower since apparently my parents house is backed up or something, took Noel to the vet, well tried but couldn't find the freakin place, and when I called to get directions they were so rude and talked to me like I was stupid!!!, didn't appreciate it!, so went back to the hosue, dropped off Noel changed clothes to something more cozy then went to dinner at Olive Garden, then spent some more time in town, then eventually went BACK to the house!! So now it's relax time... oh what a week we've got today!!

Only one day with my sweet husband this weekend, but I really enjoyed it. It feels like we still have a day left, but the reality is tomorrow is work/school day. And I have a lovely mid-term. I really want just one more day with him! Tonight we decided to have frito pie and our own chili, it was DELICIOUS! We replaced the beef with ground turkey, there's no dang difference, and it was so fulfilling! It's tons better than the canned chili! I was quite impressed! With a bit of a kick because of the tomatoes and green chili's... oh so good. I'll post the recipe later! Earlier today we traveled all around town. First we were headed to Oliveto's, but then changed our minds last minute and ate at Road House. Some really good food today!! Then we went to O'Reilly's for some truck stuff, then headed to Wal-Mart for some tupper-ware. We got the kind that's suppose to make the fruits and vegetables last longer. I went ahead and made some single serving sized portions of fruit and I put it at eye level so when I get hungry and go to the fridge I'll see the fruit and go for those instead of the bad stuff! I also have plans of brining my lunch with me to work and school to save on money. So after Wal-Mart we went, with the intention of watching a softball game, but arrived too early and only had time to watch the practice/warm up. We were a bit bummed, but there's always a next time! Then we went to Academy and I got the MOST adorable disc. Richard got one that looks like a sun for disc golf. We've already planned to play at least twice this coming staycation we've got going on. We then went to the grocery store and got TONS of food, all good of course. When I finally run out of "Lightly Salted" Lays and replace them with Baked Lays. Just slowly changing my eating habits :). And for desert we had frozen yogurt with strawberries and little bits of chocolate throughout the frozen yogurt, and it's so good! Only 3 points per 4 oz. Which is a lot! I'm so stoked that I found it, and that it was tasty!

Oh but our staycation we have a lot going on! I'm cleaning the house (again). Richard is finally going to get the heap out of the garage and I can have my parking spot back!! And we're going to be able to test drive an equinox during the week, and maybe I'll be able to finally decide what vehicle I'm gonna be getting. So we're most likely going to be able to get more things accomplished and have more fun than had we gone somewhere and spent tons of money. And since we want it to be kind of special we're thinking about getting all dolled up and going out for drinks and a good dinner to just enjoy and let loose! I need it! By now I've gone to visit my friends in Huntsville/ College Station and have had a couple of partying weekends, though never really my thing I think they helped take away some of the stresses of the semester. So there's tons going on and yet I'm not stressed because Richard will be here for 8 WHOLE days!! So exciting!!!!

Wow, so I see that I haven't posted since Monday, too long I guess since I've written how I feel about my weight loss journey. Tuesday I was very overwhelmed and just didn't want to do anything, and I didn't. I didn't go to school, and slept for a total of 16 hrs from the time I went to bed the night before until I went to bed Tuesday night. 13 Hrs were sleeping, and 3 were napping on the couch. A lot of sleeping. And when I wasn't sleeping you think I'd be crafting or doing homework... NOPE! I watched the season of Bad Girls Club that was on and basically caught up on the whole entire season, a lot of silly arguing, but I guess it was entertaining enough to keep my attention most of the time I was awake. I did eat right, wasn't really tempted to splerge, surprisingly. Even when I was hungry I made some air popped pop corn. So I guess in my giving up stage ( I guess that's what it's called) I didn't even think about eating horribly. I just didn't want to do anything. Only a week though until Richard and my staycation!!! How exciting! And the Sunday after that week is actually our 1 year anniversary! Even more exciting. It's kind of like we're taking that time to enjoy a year together (well being married). It's hard to believe it's been 3 yrs we've been together, and even harder to believe we've been married for a year now. Nothing really seems like it's changed in our relationship! Well at first I guess it did, we didn't do the dirty as much, but now that I'm getting "me" on track that part has kicked back into gear. I guess the happiness of the relationship rests on the happiness of the woman in the relationship... lol. Great stuff!

So Wednesday's weigh in I lost .4 lbs. Only .2 away from a full fledge 5 pound loss. I'm not so much motivated to lose weight, but I am excited to see the weight gone! I don't feel as motivated as I did in the beginning but I'm not questioning what I'm doing. I'm still going to try and better the way and what I eat, as well as my work out routine. I REALLY have to get that going! I guess I could try and do a Bowflex workout while watching one of my shows. I do enjoy watching my shows a lot. I keep saying I'll work out, but unless it's prevalent on my mind I tend to forget, whether on purpose or accident I'm not 100% certain. Oh the troubles of losing weight!! After a talk with my Educ Psych teacher last night I have decided to start drinking a bottle of water and then have a diet soda. I haven't really been thinking about my soda intake since it's 0 points, but I do need to have more water and less sodas, diet or otherwise. So I'm making more steps, I'm not giving up, and still trying to reach my weight loss goal and overall lifestyle change. It's hard, but so much easier this time around. I just feel like I have such a good support system. Real people going through the same troubles and trials I have to go through and understand and don't give you advice when they've been thin all their lives and have never really have to struggle... There's just something calming and relaxing knowing others are struggling but still doing it just like you!! So keep to your weight loss goals even when you want to throw in the towel and give up. You'll be happier in the long run if you just stick to your original goals! :).

So these are the plates we JUST had to have!! We had to go pick up the red and yellow small ones and the yellow big ones. We also got a chip and dip bowl that matches and two big serving platters, and small and big cups that are all the same color. It's all plastic but looks like it's clay or glass. I don't really know what our other plates are made of. But I really like the colors. It'll go well with the pickled red peppers, jalapeno and yellow peppers you can buy that I think are so BEAUTIFUL! I love those kinds of colors. We have some really good ideas and plans to make it all cohesive! I'm really stoked!! But here are the plates. :)

The weekend was amazing! Richard and I enjoyed going to play disc golf on Saturday and are really looking forward to doing it again! We're even talking of going to get us one, and of course I'd try my hardest to get a really cute pink one! Maybe it'll help with my throw! lol. It didn't come natural to me, but Richard kicked ASS!! He was really good at it and caught on quickly! Then on Saturday we went out to eat at a new restaurant and it was so DELICIOUS Richard and I seriously contemplated going back for dinner to eat the SAME meal! That's saying something for us! And I made healthy choices since the meal was pasta and covered in a cream sauce I asked it on the side and just used how much I felt I wanted for taste, which cut back MAJORLY on the points! Then drove all the way to Longview to get some plates for our kitchen since I found the most adorable plates that I JUST had to have for our kitchen, and so the journey began. I DO NOT like Longviews set up. It's nothing like Tyler, and was very difficult to move around and find things. And a fabulous nights sleep on our wonderful new bed. Then Sunday we slept in... sorta. Noel wouldn't let us stay asleep. She's really something! Sometimes she'll lay on Richard's chest and start to growl at him to wake him up, it's so adorable! But Noel is like the exact definition of adorable! She's so funny!

Then we watched on TV and headed to the grocery store and did some shopping, where we forgot some essentials for gravy (cream of mushroom soup) and thought we'd have to go back, but luckily my mom had some :). And as I watched some TV Richard did the dishes (he's a God-send!!). And finally when it came time to cook dinner I really didn't want to and put it off, then found out we needed more potatoes, luckily my grandmother had some :). This living close to relatives thing is workin out right now. So then FINALLY I was able to cook the mashed potatoes, and everything turned out WONDERFULLY! It didn't turn out exactly as my nana's does every holiday, but it was close enough that I'll be able to help with the cooking and eventually carry on the tradition when she passes. Let me tell you I've got the mashed potatoes DOWN! I can make garlic mashed potatoes, and regular, and they both turn out tasting amazing! That plate is not what we drove all that way for, and originally there are peas (sweet peas) all over the plate. My family (well most) put the peas on top of the mashed potatoes and I always add some more on the side, but I forgot to take a photo and so when Richard got seconds we took one, and there weren't any more peas... sad day! lol. So we also cover the plate in gravy, but I did use wheat flour instead of white. Not wonderfully better, but better all the same!! OH and I forgot we put up the bed. I can't believe that the gold on the bed completely matches the hardware on the night stands and dresser! I bought them from two completely different places and about a year to two in between the purchases! Awesome!!! So it really goes well. We still need to add up the wall decor we've got picked out for the room. Now we only have a couple of things, but we'll get there slowly!

I weighed myself this morning and it didn't look good. It actually doesn't look like I lost any weight so far. But that's okay. I'm at the same or maybe .2 less than weigh in last week, it's still something. And not loosing and staying the same is better than gaining!! Every week I don't gain is another week towards my goal! I can't forget either that I did lift weights Monday and maybe it balanced out with what I lost, muscle building I mean. I still have high hopes this week for weight loss, but I'll just have to wait and see what happens.

Weigh in went really well! I lost 3.6 lbs, and feel amazing. In total I've lost 4.4 lbs. I'm really excited to reach 5 lbs. and in only 3 for real weeks. I've been on this journey now for changing my life for about 7 weeks and I feel GREAT! I still haven't been sleeping all that well, except for last night. Though I did get some help from some Advil PM. I slept so good, I feel really rested today, and I didn't dream about killing my husbands childhood friend... thank goodness! I've been thinking a lot, as always, and I've noticed that when I start to do really well in my personal life and taking care of myself I tend to stop taking care of my work persona! My attention span and memory is failing me in that are, where I'm completely remembering what I ate for like 3 days at a time and when I eat, and what the points are for certain food items. But with work, I'm seriously lacking! I'm not willing to change my personal life since I now have it the way I want it, but I need to somehow find out a way to do both. I've never succeeded at this before so it's going to be very difficult. And since I've somehow managed to balance my personal eating and school, while being able to have time for a social life and working out... I think this time I'll get it though. I am more determined this time. So Tuesday night I had the MOST delicious chicken. I grilled it on the george forman (of course) but this time put some garlic and italian herb seasoning along with Spike (excellent stuff) and some seasonal! It was so delicious. I had tat with some velveta shells and green beans. Wednesday night I wanted chicken but after the volleyball I really didn't want to have to clean the kitchen and decided on cereal instead and still had 3 points left over for the day.

I do feel tons better about this venture on weight loss, I know I keep saying that, but it's true, and I'm continuously shocked how dedicated I am to my weight loss journey. I've never been this way about it, and it feels wonderful. Even though areas in my life are a little off right now, I still feel so in control because I AM (finally) controlling the food I eat. A bit repetitive but I can't emphasize enough how great I feel all around. I was challenged to set out work out goals and tell someone, then stick to it and check in with that someone. What I've decided to do is make my workout really convenient to me right now, and get more use to it, and make it apart of my routine. Then maybe I can make it apart of everyday life. So my plan as far as working out includes the Wii Active (since it kicks my butt every time). I plan on working out with my husband on Saturday, working out with my friend on Monday, and Tuesday I plan to do the wii active again (though this time by myself). So Tuesday will really be a test since I'm not really relying on someone else to keep me accountable. But I'm excited. My arms are FINALLY starting to feel normal again from Monday's workout (that P90x kicks my butt too!!) Another bonus to this weekend's workout in Richard and I are re-arranging our house some since we FINALLY got in our Mattress (don't get me started on the delivery guy!!) so we're gonna shampoo our bedroom (finally) and get the queen into the guest bedroom, and then my in-laws and friends can come and stay with me no-matter what and they won't be stuck on a blow up mattress! It's pretty sweet! So we've got a lot of moving around, and I'm thinking about being the one to shampoo the carpet so that it adds to my calories burned. Or maybe we'll switch it out, who knows. But that's tonights plan. To shampoo and get EVERYTHING out of our bedroom. I'll take before and after pics, mainly for my purposes but I'll post them for fun anyways. I guess I should get back to what I'm being paid to do. Thanks for the support (Heather :), it means the world to me!

Lots of feelings going through me right now, as you can tell. For dinner tonight I had grilled chicken, a cup of garlic mashed potatoes from this weekend and sweet peas. It was DELICIOUS! Let me tell you that this george forman grill is EXCELLENT! If anyone wants one they're at Sears and when we got our it was 30 bucks! It's great for having low fat, low grease, meats. It was delicious and I think I can come up with TONS of ways to season it! For lunch I had a lean pocket, great for on the go kinds of stuff, and 2 oz of chips, I got to use my new food scale!! I like it! And the Atkins Chocolate and Caramel Protein bars are very tasty! I also tried a new protein bar from my friend heather, and it does taste like a candy bar! It was pretty good. Oh and I worked out today, though I really didn't want to...

Today I was some what under stress with some home work being done (that I haven't done), and I didn't go to work to wait for our dang new King sized bed, and they didn't end up coming until roughly 5 o'clock, and I could've been here instead of my grandparents waiting for like 3 hours at my house for these suckers!!! But no, they told me 2, which I was in class during that time! UGH! So I was dealing with that and trying to catch up on the reading for today's class, and trying to get ready, and eating lunch, picking up around the house... I've been thinking the last couple of days about all the things I've got going on right now! School, work, changing my life (weight watchers & working out), Socializing, Blogging, Scrapbooking, Writing/Reading (personal), taking care of a home, taking care of two dogs... and of course taking care of my sweet husband and having time for him. So many different aspects of my life to keep under control, and when I start to feel really stressed, I can't eat away my feelings, and I can't purchase away my feelings because well, I don't make a lot if any because of school taking up all my time!! So, so, so much going on! I'm going to try and when I feel stressed or other overwhelming feelings, to either clean, do my hobby, or write. I think it'll work out better than the other things I've been doing, like increasing in size or making myself BROKE!

Yesterday Richard and I had turkey burger's. We bought ground turkey meat and added in some egg whites (not sure how much, Richard did it), and our own seasoning, and cooked it on the george forman grill (there was NO grease or fat) and it didn't taste EXACTLY like a regular burger but it will do for a healthier version of one, And the added protein really helped, I couldn't even finish it. We had the oreida fries for a side and they turned out really tasty! Over all we had a good and productive weekend. We found some good and healthier ways of eating! And I'm really stoked about that! OH, another thing we did to change something bad to good is we made pigs in the blanket, I think I mentioned this already, but I'll mention it again. They were the lit'l smokies but made out of turkey, 2 points for 4, and cut the crescent rolls into small pieces to just sort of go around the wiennies to make miniature pigs in the blanket. 4 of them is 3 points with the bread. (we used the reduced fat crescent rolls). They're really good even re-heated, and that's a big deal for me! Richard also suggested them as a snack for parties or like superbowl parties, that kind of thing!

I worked out today, but I don't think I truly worked out with my efforts being 100%, which saddens me. I feel sore in my arms and trust me I was sweating but I just didn't feel as much of a work out this go around than I did last time. And I've been contemplating finally gettin my ass in gear and working out on the wii active. It kicks my butt, but I do want to be more active working out wise. It's all about making it happen, making you're own dreams come true... (I sound like a infomercial for a weight loss pill). But it's true. This feels different. Even Richard is actively helping me to do better, better food choices at home and in the restaurants. For example we went to dinner with my parents and some close friends on Sunday for lunch as they came in. It's a down home, country cookin kind of place in Frankston called 7-B and while everyone, I mean everyone, at the table got the chicken fried steak, I got the soup and salad bar and had one salad and the soup and two pieces of bread. It was good and satisfying. So it's possible, I just have to be conscience of what I'm putting into my mouth, as a dear friend says! So I'm working hard to change my life for the better and I can really feel a difference in me. And so can my husband. He thinks that because of the changes I'm making, not only on a personal level, but also on a social level (new friends) I'm just overall becoming happier, which makes our relationship more intimate. It's all because I'm changing and doing things I truly want to do and I'm making it happen. Not without the tons of help I'm getting of course! I guess the right motivation, and the right support group is all I really needed! Now to get some much needed rest before a big day of nothing but school work tomorrow!

So weigh in was Wednesday and I lost .8 lbs. Not great, but it's going down and that's all that matters! While at the Weight Watchers meeting I purchased a food scale! I'm really excited to use it, but I haven't needed to weigh anything quite yet. I've been keeping in my points. Matter of fact today I probably haven't eat roughly 10 points, but it's been a weird day! I didn't work out today, but I cleaned the shit out of our house! Richard and I aren't dirty people, but we don't put things up when we either purchase them or get them out, so our house becomes cluttered!! And today, while Richard thought I was sitting on my bum, like I normally do on a day off, I cleaned. From 9 in the morning to eleven, then from 1 to 2:30. It looks GREAT!! I'm really excited to see Richard's face when he walks in and the house is spotless!! I CAN'T WAIT!

My sweet hubby and I are having a romantic candle lit dinner with steaks and garlic potatoes and green beans! I'm really excited about it! And the house is clean and I have votive holders with candles all around the house (thanks to the electricity going out and needing some light).

Richard LOVED coming home to the surprise, and we have had a wonderful day together!! Spent most of our time this morning in town, and it was CRAZY busy! I got me some more adorable shoes, on sale, and very similar to the pair my friend has. Richard got him some boots for work, he's needed a new pair for a couple of months now!! We're in the process of cooking our romantic dinner, we're having steaks CAKED with seasoning! Green beans, and some garlic potatoes. This is our first time to try and do the garlic mashed potatoes, I'll let you know how they go. For lunch we had McAlister's, I got the "Choose any two" and got half a chicken panini and a cup of the chicken tortilla soup. I didn't go too prepared for the choices so I'm not sure what the calories are for what I ate, or what my points are left for the day, but later on... after the romantic stuff, I'm gonna catch up on my tracking. I even had time to do some crafts!! Awesome day! Actually AWESOME last several days!! Yesterday I got to hang out with a dear friend and crafted and did TONS of shopping (unneeded, but I love the stuff I got). Just an awesome, awesome past couple of days!

I worked out yesterday! It was AWESOME! I didn't finish, but I think I did pretty good. I worked out for about 35 minutes, though the last 10 I'd work out, then rest, work out, then rest. But I worked out! And I feel WONDERFUL! On my way home I was SOOO motivated! I wanted to do my hobbies, and workout more often, just SOOO motivated!! I really wanted to get to crafting, but I needed to cook me a dinner, but why not! It's not very often I'm this motivated to do what I WANT to do!

This morning I woke up without an alarm, or my sweet hubby calling me! I had plenty of time to finish my crafts (they had to dry) and to make my lunch, with a couple of extras, AND to even make it by my friends house and drop something off for her. I just feel right, and it's been awhile since I've felt this right! The only times I can remember feeling this in control of everything going on around me, school, work, home, friendships, hobbies, etc., is Junior year (most self-motivated and highest self-esteem I've ever known) and when Richard and I started to become serious and I was in the HIGH of being "In-Love". The euphoria of the first couple of years, that eventually wears off (always does) and you find your relationship is stronger than you EVER knew! Those are the only times, other than now, that I truly felt great about myself, what I was doing, and where I'm going in life. It'd due to working out, and eating healthier. But it's also due to finding a field that I'm truly happy in, that really challenges me mentally, a field that I truly feel motivated and energetic about the next two years in school. All the things I HATE about my classes are just minor annouances simply because I know it's necissary to get where I want to go. Maybe that's the same way I feel about this weight loss as well. All the draw backs, like having to work out and feeling SUPER sore the next day, and time and the patience it takes to eat healthy and eat when you're suppose to, and how you're suppose to just don't bother me as much because I know where I want to go and I know this is necissary to get there. (It helps I have a VERY motivating friend!!!)

Now my pondering mind keeps racing about my next workout and when it will be. Last night I lasted for thirty five minutes which is better than I'd been doing at home, and I obviously can make it to a reasonable point... I guess it's just one of those things I'll just have to suck up and do... LIKE HOMEWORK!! Which is waiting for my attention as I type... off I go.

Not a bad day in how it's been going, but a bad day in how well I ate. I was bad! I was CRAVING chocolate. I have been all week. Something about Valentines and all the chocolate commercials and the reality that I wasn't going to be getting any for valentines, I HAD to have chocolate! So when we went to lunch at Chili's, yes you have it right, we had the Chocolate Molten Cake. It's not staying in my points for the day, but I used some of my weekly points to eat it. I'm quite satisfied and when we went shopping for groceries I didn't feel the urge to buy tons of candy or a cake or brownies. So it did good while I was doing bad! I did plan my food for the week and Richard and I replaced some item in our fridge with less pointed stuff. Also while we were waiting on my sweet hubbies alignment at Sears, we decided to take back an item, which I ended up getting something else for night time, super cute and pink! I love it!, and shopped around the mall a little where I found CUTE shoes for 10 bucks, and we got a piece of art to put up on our huge wall to replace the wreath that was there and looked FABULOUS during the christmas Holidays! And some things for for when we finally get our King bed in and we'll do more decorating in our bedroom, which we purchased some really good looking sconces and are going to look FABULOUS! For half the price of the other ones we were looking at! I LOVE stuff on sale. And the one thing in everything we purchased that actually relates to this blog is we purchased a George Forman grill with a bread/bun warmer on top at Sears for 30 bucks on sale! I need to be able to grill, and I'm not an outside grilling kind of gal, so we're trying to make it so I can cook some chicken while my sweet husband is out of town. The pamphlet says it only takes 9 min to cook the meat, which is way less than almost any other thing I would cook. So it'll be a great source for me to cook when I'm short on time.

We had a really good dinner together, and even made some ranch dressing from light mayonnaise, and 2% milk with the seasoning and it wasn't bad. I'll probably stick with light Italian and when I'm craving ranch to just have that since the points are SO low! I weighed myself today out of curiosity and I have high hopes for my weigh in on Wednesday!! We'll see how well it goes and I'll post my results. Tomorrow I'm working out at a friends house, we'll see how long I'll be able to last, probably not long, but I'll do my best to hang in there! I'll post more about my progress and struggles tomorrow!

So I've been thinking (as usual) and I really believe this time it's completely atainable! I found several new drinks (Coke Zero, Cherry Coke Zero, Diet Cherry Dr. Pepper, Diet Big Red, Diet Sprite) that wont count against me while on Weight Watchers. This is magnificent! One of the reasons I kept failing is because I couldn't get rid of my cokes and cokes cost a LOT of points. Another thing I've come to realize is that I've been eating WAY too little! I haven't been eating enough and my body has gone into starvation mode. With those fiber bars I didn't feel the need to eat and therefore haven't been eating that much and as I noticed yesterday when I started calculating my points, I have not been eating enough! I have 35 points to eat each day, and yesterday I had 19 left in my day. On the weight watchers program you have to eat all you points in the day for your body to loose the weight in the right way, and apparently I haven't been doing that. I ended up being able to make up for the rest of the points at a friends house with a 4 slices of thin crust pepporoni pizza and I even had points left over from that. So I'm going to focus on my points for the next couple of days, which is the goal of week one being back on weight watchers, and we'll see how well I do at weigh in.

I never got around to making my lunch Wednesday night, but did have time to do it Thursday morning and for right now the bread I'm eating is okay, I'll have to go back to a different kind when I loose points, but for now it'll help me to take up my points. I also need to focus back on my vegatable and fruits. And my friend Heather is going to help me with the vitamins I need to be taking (cause I'm COMPLETELY clueless when it comes to those). And eventually I'll add in the oils I'm suppose to be getting in, and I just can't tell you how different I feel this go around with the weight loss. I'm not focused necissarily on the scale at this moment. I'm more focused on the healthy part of it all.

So with the motivation talk, I decided to list all of my motivations for loosing this weight. And when I get discouraged or I didn't do well one week I can look back on all the reasons I want to do this. And maybe with this and a few other changes I'll be 100% successful this time! (It helps having a support system! Let me tell you!)

Motivations:
1. To be able to more easily find clothes in my size
2. My self-esteem to be boosted
3. To be healthier for my husband and my kids (eventually)
4. To be able to wear the kinds of clothes and styles that I like
5. To wear high heels without my feet hurting as much
6. I would LOVE to run a marathon...
7. I would love to be able to run in general
8. I would like to finally be in control of my weight
9. I want to teach my kids to eat and be healthy
10. To go hiking, and enjoy it
11. To go biking, and keep up with my husband
12. To wear a bikini, and for it to look GREAT!
13. To simply be healthy!!
14. To NEVER hear "advice" from relatives who think they have it under control (and don't)

I'm sure there are more and I'll edit and post more later! But I would highly suggest making a list of the reasons you want to loose weight and keeping it where you can refer back to it when you get in the slumps.

Excellent day today!! Got invited go get a pedi!! It was awesome! It's been so long since I've just gone out after work and done something with a friend! It's so awesome! I'm just in girl heaven right now!

The meeting was about motivation, and well it kind of got me motivated. It wasn't just the meeting it was a couple of other things that lead up to the "defining moment." Such as, last night I watched "The Biggest Loser" and was contemplating the younger pink teams member. She was doing the work but not very dedicated to what she was doing, she wasn't putting any heart into her workouts. And I've been thinking a lot lately (as always) about why is it so hard. I'm always battling in my head to get fries, or not to get fries. To do good, or not to do good. And more times than not I choose to not do good, or to go ahead and have the fries. I justify it because I'm contemplating it. What I need to do, and I had come to this conclusion back in my Junior year in high school when I finally decided then to loose weight and not sit on my ass, is to not think about it. Simply do it. Sounds so simple, but that kind of conclusion is harder to come by than you think. I am implementing this philosophy starting now. My plan is to plan. To make a time where I work out, on Sundays (as Heather suggested) to plan out my meals for the week in advance so I don't run into one of my pitfalls of being SOOOOOOO damn hungry and just getting all the wrong kinds of food that take twice as much to satisfy me. I'm just going to do what I know is right instead of there being another option. I guess it's kind of the same for Divorce. If it's an option, then more times than not, the couple get divorced. Where for me it's not an option, Richard is stuck with me whether he likes it or not!! lol, though I'm sure he'd comment he wants to stay with me, the good husband that he is!

Back to the motivation. It was slightly ironic that motivation was the topic of the first day I decide, and actually go through with going. It's like someone was planning on me being there and knew it would help to draw me back and keep me on track. So we talked about motivation and the key behind it, why we were motivated, and how to stay motivated, and keeping positive thoughts running through your head instead of all the negative thoughts. They focused on changing the way you see success. Like, focus on the fact that you did well for most of the week, and even though you slipped up, keep your mind on the positive. I know that more times than I'd like to admit after I mess up I just give in. It's one of the reasons I couldn't stop drinking cokes for the longest times! Now it's not a big deal cause I have Coke Zero thanks to a good friend!

I had started my philosophy when I went to get lunch and instead of debating over whether to go ahead and try the Chargrilled Chicken Sandwich (which is pretty good!) or go ahead and get the Chik-fil-A Chicken Sandwich I just went with the Chargrilled. And instead of pondering on whether to get a regular fry since I was really hungry, or getting a small fry so it's better, I decided on a side salad. Then with the salad, instead of trying to decide on the HORRIBLE for you Ranch dressing, which I LOVE!!, I got the fat free honey mustard dressing. It's easier when there's not a battle. When there is only one answer.

My hunger level is less! I had that side salad which I think helped to satisfy along with the healthy chargrilled chicken sandwich and the vegetables on that, which are filling foods and help you to stay satisfied, so I believe that my choices for lunch were very well chosen.

Now to say something that I think needs to be said. There are only a hand full of times that some is blessed with someone in their life, and I've had a few really good friends who I would say are a blessing and my sweet husband who is also a HUGE blessing, but I think Heather is a blessing as well! She is more motivating than I think I could put into words, and she does so good at keeping me honest and from allowing myself to have that other option. And it's odd but I feel kind of like she's always been a friend to me. There's not that window of awkwardness that I feel after making a new friendship. And that's only happened with a hand full of people for me. Okay no more novel writing. I'm being paid to do some paper work and I guess I should get to it!

So yesterday I didn't do so well... I was hungry all day! In the morning I just had my instant start breakfast that has like twice the protein of egg, and twice the calcium of milk, then had a fiber bar, then had my lunch then had a bag of M&M's (really bad I know!!! I was so hungry and bad things just sound better when I'm hungry) then had ANOTHER fiber bar, and then roman noodles for dinner and still was so DANG hungry, so I had a HUGE bowl of fruit loops... so bad!!! And this morning I'm still SO HUNGRY!! I can't seem to ward off the hunger and I know that's going to mean REALLY bad things when it comes to lunch time. Though today is weight watchers. Yes I'm actually going this time... 3 weeks later. But dag-gome-it I'm going! Now it's partly because a friend is taking the time to support me and go with me. The first visit if free for non-members so she won't have to dish out any cash. And I'm still paying the good 'ole 40 bucks a month automatically so I'm still good.

I can't figure know why I really don't want to go. I know the program works, and that I'll be able to start loosing weight instead of staying the same. And then there's the support from the group, but I just don't want to go. And for some reason I'm loosing my motivation for other things. It's week 4 in school and I was doing so well with getting my school work done in an appropriate amount of time, and I felt slightly overwhelmed during the week. It's like the week 2 of dieting, you feel like you can't keep going and you want to just give up... but you know you can't! And you just have to fight through it... but you don't want to... ugh! So I'm eating another stinkin fiber bar to try and satisfy my hunger so I don't do bad, bad, bad. I'll report back after the weight watchers meeting as to my motivation and hunger level. Wish me luck!!

So my friend and I weren't able to go swimming today. Apparently it's an outside pool and right now its winter... which means NO swimming. Though since it was already planned I came home and worked out, and as the title implies I was only able to last for 10 minutes. But it's better than nothing! For dinner I had a turkey hot dog, with turkey chili. And I'm now drinking Coke Zero, thanks to the same friend that's been motivating me. And I kind of think I even like it better than regular coke cause it's less acidic. Anyways so I'm still planning to go to Weight Watchers on Wednesday and then will have to go back through the house hole foods and label everything with what the points for each item is until I memorize them again. Oh and for those of you slightly afraid to try the turkey hot dog, it doesn't taste any different and same goes for the turkey chili. I was quite surprised. Another thing I changed about what we get is instead of regular lays, we got the "Lightly Salted". I've still been keeping to the fiber bars, still not certain how they'll actually help me in the long run, but we'll see. Also I'm getting the 2% cheese. I'm trying... and I'm really thinking this time it will stick. If I don't loose the kind of weight I'm hoping to in the time I set out I'll at least be healthier and loosing it over time. Again, we'll see. I really am trying different things than I have every other time I've undergone this kind of change. I'm hoping to work out tomorrow.

Today in our grocery shopping my husband and I purchased more fresh fruits and vegetables, replaced my normal 20 pack of coke with coke zero (not as bad as I thought it would be) and even bought me some things to make and bring to lunch for my Mondays, Tuesdays, and Thursdays. Mondays I don't take a lunch because I have to leave work at 1:30 for school, and Tuesdays and Thursdays I have classes all day and I've gotten tired paying four dollars for a sandwich with one slice of meat, one piece of lettuce, and two slices of tomato, and maybe one or two slices of cheese, I've decided to make my own healthy sandwiches with a little more meat for substance and pay WAY less. Also tomorrow I'm meeting up with my friend Heather to go swimming at the school after classes. This will be quite interesting cause I really haven't gone swimming in quite some time. I doubt I've honestly lost the skill to, but it really has been like a year or two since I've done some serious laps of any kind, though I LOVE to swim! I use to go to the one in the subdivision I live in but it's always so crowded with kids and rude people I just stopped. And I have this thing about fish and snakes, and turtles I can't really get myself to swim in the lake unless it's after falling off a tube or knee board, and then it's only possible in the summers and when my parents want to drag out the boat. See those excuses I get going... they pop up everywhere! But I don't have one for not doing what I've set down in place for tomorrow, and I like knowing that I can't get out of it. Basically I'm relying on someone else, but because I am I'm not making up any excuses. Even when they start to pop up in my head, like "I don't have a one piece so it'll be weird doing laps in", or "what are people going to think when I show up in my swim suit, are they going to judge me" (and that one could be an excuse any and everyday if I'm doing something by myself) I just stop about mid sentence in my head because I know that someone else is relying on me to keep to my word. It's all mental, I know, but so far it's really working!

So tonight for dinner I went to my parents and they had some friends over. It was kind of last minute thing. Richard and I were planning to have grilled chicken with green beans and rice-a-roni for the sides, then we get a call from my sister inviting us (it's always last minute) and ended up taking the chicken over there and having this bean kind of soup as a side instead. Then there were some brownies which I was ignoring the fact that they were even there until someone said they were low-fat and decided to try one (and yes I stuck to only one) and it was delicious! Then I learned that when making a cake you can substitute the oil for apple sauce and it makes it low fat, and even keeps it more moist!! I never knew that. Then we all got on the conversation about substitutions and Irene said she has a whole stinkin list that she said she'd try and get to me. So it's turned out to be a really good night!

Now I've decided... again... that I'm going to start weight watchers this Wednesday. I've told my husband, and he's going to stick me to it. So my major excuse to blow this off is it's the only day other than Friday that Richard and I are able to talk during our lunch hour, but we both agree it's not reasonable enough, and doesn't really trump loosing weight so I'm having to give up another hour of talking to him for going to a stinkin meeting. Anyways no more ranting and raving about the day, I guess I should go spend what time I have left with my loving and devoted husband! Once I get the list I'll post it up for my dedicated reader(s).

So I wake up roughly around 9, take out the dogs to go potty, and exactly 47 min later Noel starts freaking out and barking at the door. This is normal lately cause she gets used to Richard coming in and she starts to expect someone to come through the door. For example she started barking at the door roughly three times last night and NO ONE was there! So it's normal. And I just decided to look up cause she seemed adamant that someone was at the door, so I turn and there's a shadow in the door, it opens and it's my SWEET HUSBAND! He decided to take the day off and spend it with me! How awesome!

So needless to say my morning has started quite satisfactory!! Nothing to report as far as weight loss, or working out but I had to share my happiness for the day!!!

My family is really something. When I think I'm gonna give up, and then my sweet husband keeps me sticking to it, and THEN my family decides they want to try and get together for the 10k that's happening on March 27th for breast cancer awareness (I think) and make shirts and really support each other. I'm really, really stoked! I've done the Relay for Life before, but always walked and did it with my church group so there were tons of us and haven't done anything on my own since then. My sister and I were going to try and run it, but we haven't started to train our bodies with running (and lets face it's I'm more than two months away from being trained to run a 10k) so I'm going to do the walk 2 miles instead of run the 10k. And most of my family on that side, including my sweet husband are involved in it as well. We're gonna have T-shirts made (how corny but I LOVE it!). My family is sometimes very distant and when I try and pull us all together for something it mostly falls through so I'm really happy to have them all excited to do this together. I'll take lots and LOTS of pictures and post them. This is my first time to do anything like this, one day I'll be running it! I guaran-freakin-ty it!

Now for my reader(s) the 10k is in Tyler and I believe you can either walk the 2 miles or run the 10k, but if you're interested the link is:
http://tylerazalea10k.com/

and to sign up for it the link is:
https://www.signmeup.com/site/reg/register.aspx?fid=YG2V4K7

It's for a good cause and gives you a reason to work out. Thanks for reading! And the support!

Needless to say, things have not been going my way. I've been struggling with changing my habits, and well I keep suckin it up! And just as I was ready to just kind of mentally just give up and quite, but publicly blabber about the struggles and not really try, Richard insists that we keep going forward. He said that no matter what, next weekend we're working out. Well that's now this coming weekend, and even though him being sick might hinder him from being able to work out with me (he's sadly coming down with the same crud I've had for a little over a week and a half), he said he's still gonna make me work out. How sweet of him! I need that push when I start to get down and out and that's when I end up giving up cause it seems impossible. NOT ANY MORE! He's actually stepping up this time to tell me "No, I refuse to let you give up." How sweet! I'm gonna hate him Sunday when he actually makes me, but I love him right now, and I'll even love him when I pick back up on a work out routine the following week. And I have a new friend who's working out and doing the blog thing as well so I'm thinking that local support and someone with the same struggles I'm having will also help immensely!

This is going to be hard, and is going to suck for a while. Giving up all the tasty things, in abundance, for the rest of my life... Oh the pain! And eventually... Oh the benefits! I'm suppose to be doing school work right now, so no more blogging, back to school work!

I'm mostly blah, I basically don't feel motivated. I don't know if it's all the feeling bad and all the medicine I've been ingesting, but I just don't feel as passionately about loosing this weight as I did, I don't know, a couple of weeks ago when I started. It just seems way too easy to continue the way I was and not change. It's just simpler to give in and give up rather than stick with this complete overhaul of my lifestyle (which is completely wrong let me tell you!). Oh if only there was a store I could go into and buy all the motivation I needed! But NOOO, motivation for me is quite hard to find and very easy to misplace to something else that I really want to do... that's easier than changing my ways.

Any encouraging words?

Haven't been feeling so well, went to the doctor and they prescribed me Steroids... I will NEVER take those suckers again! The first night I took it I woke up 30 min after going to bed, then an hour after that, then again at 3 am. And at 3 I couldn't go back to sleep! So I got up, turned on all the lights, and you know that's when it really means time to get up, and died my hair. Well I could've done homework but completely didn't feel in the right state of mind, and while doing that watched Julie and Julia, not a bad movie, but not the best either. Then I got ready for work, actually made me some breakfast, and then went to work SUPER early. With these steroids, which I only took three of, and my brain has gone completely loco! I keep saying things I normally wouldn't, or going way outside my comfort zone. It's almost freeing, and yet unsettling! I don't seem to have control or that voice that tells you, you shouldn't do something so instead I do it, or say it. Like in class the other day I literally asked a kid, "Are you social?" completely implying he's anti-social, and though it started up a conversation and we chatted for a bit, I was embarrassed of how rude I sounded, though I don't and didn't feel the need or the urge to apologize. It's like the steroids are shutting up my shutting up side. Like it's allowing me to be more open and accessible to things that I regularly wouldn't be. Maybe a better way to explain the way I feel is that I feel less self conscience. I'm less aware of the absurd things I might be doing/saying, or maybe less aware of the way they may seem absurd. Anyways, I basically keep saying things that I think normally would steer people away from me, and well, I just don't seem to care.

Also right now, my weight loss is backwards. Well I'm not sure that I've gained weight, but supposably steroids make that happen! So this week if it does, I'm so blaming it on the DOCTORS!

On another note, completely unrelated to weight loss and "Losin it big" I'm doing well in my classes and surprisingly staying up to date with all the hoopla related to them, such as reading and homework. I've also been more motivated and driven these last two weeks. I just feel different about this semester. Now I need to take this same dedication, multiply it by two and put that same dedication towards weight loss... again. I want to say that my backwards slide is due to the sickness that has taken over, literally, my whole family, but I would be lying if I said it was ONLY because of it. I'm lazy, mostly, which is why I'm here and since I have a reason, I use it... Oh how I dislike knowing the faults of myself.

Anyways, another topic my hubby comes home today!! I'm really excited! One day, when I finally get a camcorder I'll record my darling dog and how excited she gets when you say "Is that daddy?" So adorable! She starts barking and stares at the door... you'd have to see it! Also when she's chewing on her bone, and playing with her toys sometimes she'll keep her butt up in the air... I'll show it! It's the cutest thing! Anyways, I'm gonna let my novel here take a break and spend the next hour or so waiting for my adorable husband!! I CAN'T WAIT TO SEE HIM!!!

Sickness had taken over since Thursday of last week, and I've been bed ridden for most of the time, only getting out for things I have to do like classes and today work, but no working out. My main trouble has been a lot of sore throat and mucus congestion, but has been so bad that I had a fever a couple of nights, etc. But I went to the doctor yesterday and they gave me steroids which have already reeked havoc on my system and I was up and atom at 3:00 am this morning unable to go back to sleep, so I touched up my roots with hair dye, watched Julie & Julia finally (not near as great as I was expecting) and got ready, ate breakfast, took out the dogs and left for work 15-20 min earlier than I normally do and had time to stop and get gas, and run in for some carmex that has been a life saver for the raw nose from the boxes of kleenex I've been wiping out, and for cleaning out my nose some, less blockage for sure! Anyways so it's 9:21 am and I've done more today than I have in the past couple of days.

So on my weight loss, I'm not doing so great, I weighed myself Monday, when I finally got out of bed and I weighed the same as last monday, I think it was like .3 more or something like that. I don't really remember. I have been keeping to the fiber bars, which I still stand by at this point. They've really helped. But last night I didn't do good! When I went to the pharmacy which was closet to the doctors office I went to (which just happens to be in the grocery store, next to the freakin frozen food section) I bought some bad (but oh so tasty) chocolate pie pieces. I shared it with my sister last night but I still ate it, shamelessly, which in my eyes is a negative thing.

Now as far as school goes I'm very excited and motivated! A complete difference from last semester and psychology classes. I've been studying on a regular basis, reading before class the material we're going to go over, and finishing everything before it's due. And it's week two. I normally give this up in week 1. And my teachers are a lot more motivating in and of themselves. I just really think this is just it for me, I've found the right field for me to be it!

Today or Tomorrow I plan to kick my fresh foods back into major gear! I just haven't really been eating (sick and all) and when I do, fresh food just seem too complicated! And when I'm sick I tend to crave bad food a little more, but I have completely strayed from my goals! I am very motivated to complete my task of the weight loss, I'm just having a tough first month at it, but 11 more to go! Even if I lost 10 lbs per month I'd loose well what I'm hoping to get rid of. Maybe that should be my shorter goal. 10 lbs per month. Then this time next year I would've lost 110 lbs. That sounds excellent and is broken down so that I have a smaller goal each month to conquer! I think I will go to weight watchers today. And today at lunch I will go.

Also as for the Jenny Craig, they never called me back. It might be my loss, it might be their loss, either way right now I'm not too worried about it. I have to save up to take my husband to Vegas to see the Blue Mann Group for is B-day in November and I really don't make that much, so no big deal. Just thought I'd let you know how that thing was coming since I mention being interested in it.

I hope you all are having a wonderful week and are continuing to stick to your plans even when you have set backs! NEVER GIVE UP!!! That's the only true kind of failure! Best of luck and God Bless!

All week long, including Monday through today, I've been eating these fiber bars and I haven't HAD to eat. Okay to break it down a little more I have a small sort of breakfast (one morning I had a bagel with cheese and turkey, another morning I had some Total Brand cereal, another I had the Carnation Instant Start breakfast {it has twice the protein of egg and doesn't taste that bad either}) then when I'm in my first class around 9:30 to 10:00 or about the same time when I'm at work I eat one of the fiber bars then I kind of eat a fruit or yogurt about an hour later, then on tuesday and thursday I didn't feel the need or anything to eat lunch, but tuesday I had some cheese and crackers I purchased from the store next to one of my classes. Then around 2 or 3 I have another fiber bar and I'm satisfied all the way to dinner. I kid you NOT! I didn't even feel the need to eat dinner. I'm not going into starving myself! I love food too much, but this is kind of like nicorette gum for smokers. It helps you to ignore the urge to just eat or to eat that bad fried food, or chips, or just all the stuff sitting around that gets to you as you start to get hungry. I've been able to completely avoid my hunger and have had MUCH more control over what I eat and at what time I eat. I don't ever feel hungry and when it's time to eat, say noon or 5:00 I go ahead and grab me something and in these past 5 days I haven't felt hungry at all. I'm completely shocked. I've been eating when it's necessary instead of when I just simply had to. We'll see how this affects my body going into next week, but right now I feel in control over my eating.

I feel like I'm able to say "NO" to fast food just because it's convenient, or "NO" to the cookie ice cream sandwhich that was offered to me roughly 20 min ago. I don't even have to ponder about it. I feel like I can conquer this, like it's actually achievable! Damn it I'm going to loose these 70 to 140 lbs by next new years. This goal can be accomplished and the food is NOT going to win!! Anyways, thought I'd lend a helping hand so you can conquer your own battle against food!

I was thinking today, driving around on the errands for work and had a revelation of sorts. My major issue with weight is just not knowing how to eat. Right now that's what I can't seem to figure out. I know fresh foods are better than preserved foods, but I don't have the time to make every food fresh so some preserved foods are necessary. But which ones are better than others, and are you suppose to eat 3 meals and one small snack between lunch and dinner, or`are you suppose to snack all day? And non of us who weren't taught how to eat correctly now want to learn how, and all you get are people's opinions or second hand information that has most likely been altered and what you're willing pay for through diet plans which there are tons with different information, and books. Why can't there just be a right way to eat. Or the information readily accessible for everyone?

This of course got me thinking how education and knowledge have to be paid for. It makes sense mostly, cause the teachers and writers need to be paid, but I just wonder why can't some of it be free? But then I guess that would put me penny less in a job. Any ways food for thought... about food.

Yesterday morning I posted on Facebook my weight loss plans and journey. I was pleasantly surprised by how many people I don't regularly talk to that were supporting me and giving me encouragement! Very surprising if you ask me! Also yesterday my eating habits were completely different. I started school on Monday so finding the time to cook and eat fresh foods is going to be very, very difficult, and now I'm into the upper level classes, which adds more study time, but yesterday I had a yogurt, two fiber bars, a turkey and cheese bagel (I brought from home), some cheese and crackers (not many cause I knew they were bad for me) during my lunch time break, and two servings of fruit when I got home. I then had two servings of vegetables during dinner and a tostino's pizza. I remember those being reasonable points wise when I was previously on weight watchers. And I almost woke up at 6, but in the life style change I'm trying to make almost is nothing. However this morning I did much better. I woke up at 6:15, had me a cup of coffee and a quick and not very tasty breakfast of the Total brand cereal cinnamon toast crunch. It did indeed taste like cardboard but I ate it anyways. I've also been thinking about the chicken we have at the house and how I really shouldn't be eating one whole piece, I need to only eat half of it. This whole eating right this is very difficult to me! I'm not use to it at all! But I'm trying, and I will succeed. This time I have the will power, and dag gome it! I'm going to succeed!

I started watching The Biggest Loser last night and I'm hoping that watching it will give me more encouragement to get my lazy butt up and work out. Yesterday when I got home I didn't work out, but I did set aside time, from 4:30pm to 7:00pm all I was going to do was study, and I did. I ALMOST got on here to blog, but said to myself "NO, this is my time to study." And I got part of my work done that I was suppose to! I've also never done this either. To the observer it might not seem like I'm changing my life that much, or that I'm finally doing things that I should've been doing, and you're right, but the fact that I couldn't do them and now I am means something to me. I am changing, slowly but surely, I'm accomplishing my goals piece by piece. I'm hoping that by the new year (2011) I will have lost 70 to 140 lbs, to get up at 5:00am almost every morning, and to accomplish the daily tasks that I have to, including working out, cleaning the house, taking care of the dogs, cooking dinner, eating healhty, etc. Things that I have been severely slacking on. I have a family now and I need to take part in that, I'm making myself the person I want to be! And I'm so exhausted right now that I wish I could sleep but I have to work, and I'm going to do an excellent job at it even if I have to down an entire coffee pot to make it happen! I really am changing and I really am excited about it!

All of these photos have been taken in the last year. I plan on posting more photos throughout my journey to my goal weight, but here's me now.

I have set a date and time to go back to weight watchers. This Wednesday Jan. 13th during my lunch. I have all the food necessary to make it happen, I believe I have the attitude, or at least a bit closer to the right attitude, and the means in which to work out withOUT a reasonable excuse. I keep looking at myself and those AWFUL pictures that we all have and hide so we never have to see the truth about our weight (that I've now been strategically placing around the house and work to keep me on track). I really do feel like this time is different. I'm now 22 years old, heading towards my bachelors with a subject that I ABSOLUTELY love, and I'm finding time to do what I love to do (scrapbooking). Right now I just feel like it's all attainable. This morning I weighed myself and I weighed 163.4. I hope that some where in a year or more I'll be around 123.4 which is the healthy weight for my height. I am considered morbidly obese. Words I never thought I'd say or admit, but there it is. I need to loose 140 lbs to be healthy. I can do it, and I'm willing to do it.

I did notice that the one thing in my mind that has really (and finally) sunk in is that I'm not on a diet, I'm trying to eat healthy. I think about fresh foods, and how I have to cook every night, or close to it and that I ALWAYS need fresh vegetables and fruits with every meal. I've really had an overhaul on my thinking process and I'm surprised. I think it was all thanks to My Pink Stampers, Pink Loser blog. I just saw how she could do it, and how happy she seems now and I decided that it was something I truly wanted and will have to work on in order to get it. I know it's going to be hard and tedious, and I might hate the food I'm eating but I know I'll feel better and wake up more refreshed and overall be happier in life. I hope that during this time period my story will inspire you to do something about your life and change whatever it is that is holding you back. I wish YOU all the best of luck!

I hate... HATE vegetables and different kinds of fruits. If it's not strawberries or grapes, sometimes apples I wont really eat other fruits, but today at the store my husband and I purchased all kinds of fresh fruits and vegetables! I'm now, officially making it apart of my diet, every day, every meal! My mornings I also purchased some things to make an occasional bagel, a total brand cereal. My mind set is different! I normally HATE anything and everything healthy and that's literally all we purchased! We didn't get any chips, or fried frozen foods, matter of fact the only frozen things we got are the steam fresh vegetables and meals with tons of vegetables in them. I've never shopped like this. I've never tried to see if other fruits (such as pears, peaches, mangos) are something that I'd like or try to change my tastes towards so that I don't have as many limitations when I'm going out to eat or cooking at the house. I've even been thinking about getting shrimp (fresh) to cook at the house. I know sounds simple, but the only kind of seafood I'll eat are fried shrimp and fried calamari... and they have to be fried. But I'm growing towards grilled shrimp!